So your husband wants to do drag

Tell Trinity

by Trinity  Contributing Writer  trinity@telltrinity.com
Published: March 31, 2012 in Tell Trinity

Hello Trinity,
Suddenly, out of nowhere, my partner wants to do drag. Is there anything I can say to change his mind?
Drag Dramas, Austin, TX

Hello Drag Dramas,
It seems like every once in a while a gay or straight guy wants to crossdress or do drag. And, every once in a while that same guy later on decides to become a drag artist. However, this is as rare as someone wanting to be an astronaut after being trapped in a bubble for a week. So, if you must tell him something tell him, “I’m ready if you are!” Darling, once he takes two hours in make up, two hours getting dressed, spends a night in heels and is wrapped in hose and a girdle, don’t worry, he’ll be worshipping high tops and carpenter pants as quick as you can say, “Down in front, soldier.” Not to worry.

Dear Trinity,
I’m an affectionate guy, but my lover is overly affectionate in public. We live in a small town and I don’t feel safe as an openly gay couple. What do I do?
Suburbiaphobia, St. Louis, MO

Dear Suburbiaphobia,
I’m a true advocate of being out and living fearlessly. Yet, I also believe in living safely and strategically. While being affectionate in public as a gay couple may not always be safe, it may be executed strategically. Try being affectionate in private spots in public places. Spend time in gay friendly places like P-town where holding hands is commonplace and will help you feel better. And, if you’re still nervous, then take self-defense classes. Seriously. Eventually, pumpkin, we all must face our fears in order to make them disappear! Be safe but free.

Dearest Trinity,
I’m a respectable woman, but I’m in a disrespectable situation. I’m dating two women at once and it’s going to be a year. They both live in different parts of the country. That’s how I’ve kept it going. Now, they both want to move in with me. Help!
Three’s Company, Detroit, MI

Dearest Company,
How thrilling and dangerous! How selfish and crazy! I have two words for you: honesty and decision. Tell the one you like the least what you’ve done and see if she says, “I love you anyway.” Then tell her you’ll call her right back. Right after, quickly call the one you really like and tell her the same thing. If she dumps you, then your decision is made. If she says, “I love you no matter what.” then get rid of the first woman by either paying her off or lovingly letting her go. Either way, sweetie, you’re honest and left with one woman to love and hold and, oh God, my head is still spinning. (I’m caught in a spin cycle myself as you can see from my cartoon.)

Trinity,
My husband started taking steroids. He wants to be the Hulk. It’s making us fight more than ever. He gets enraged so easily now. How do I keep my marriage from exploding?
Too Big Too Fast, Savannah, GA

Dear Too Big Too Fast,
Steroids: Looking like a beast and acting like one too. He’s obviously reading too many muscle mags or is in a mid-life crisis. Before moving out, read:

Trinity’s Strong Tips For Dealing With A Man Who Is Taking Steroids
1. Move into your guest room until the cycle’s over.
2. Do impressions of him so he knows what he acts like.
3. If he needs steroids, you need therapy. Right away!
4. Force yourself to be more understanding.
5. Destroy the alcohol. Alcohol with steroids turns Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde.
6. Love him for his needs, whether you agree or not.
7. Try to support him. That’s your job.
8. Let him know how difficult it is for you.
9. Make him sign a will, in case you kill him.
10. And, lastly, when it’s over you may get a big hulking surprise with some pimples. : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

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