Provincetown, Russian River, Fort Lauderdale, oh, my!

Tell Trinity

by Trinity  Contributing Writer  trinity@telltrinity.com
Published: May 12, 2012 in Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
The love of my life and I are starting to make plans for our gay honeymoon. What would you suggest?
Honeymooners, Nashville, TN

Dear Honeymooners,
Try getting out of bed for a few minutes and opening up your “Dameron Guide,” going on the internet or simply talking to any fabulous, flamboyant travel agent. As a gay couple looking for a romantic getaway, going to places like Provincetown, Mass., Russian River, Calif., or any quaint gay village in America is what my new hus-bear and I would do. And, honey, I’d stay away from those super-single gay adventure spots, they’ll only make you wonder, “Why the hell did I get manipulated, I mean married?” Good luck.

Dearest Trinity,
My girlfriend wants me to move in with her. Do you think giving up my own apartment to move in with her is a good idea?
In Or Out, Daytona Beach, FL

Dearest In Or Out,
I once started to write a set of tips called “Reasons for moving in with someone, giving up your freedom and having your life be full of problems, I mean pleasures.” But, I could never come up with more than one reason other than money! It’s great to live with the one you love. However, darling, it doesn’t always make things easier emotionally, just financially. Now in all seriousness, take all the risks you can in life, don’t be too practical and remember if it doesn’t work out, you can always start over again! I have, many times!

Hello Trinity,
I know you write about powerdating — dating many people at one time — but how do you do it? Don’t you get confused or into precarious situations?
Powerdoubts, Providence, RI

Hello Powerdoubts,
Of course, I get into precarious situations. But the alternative of not dating or dating one at a time can also be torturous! With powerdating you’ll never feel like a loser and, sweetie, you’ll have better odds of winning the big prize! (See how I balance this dilemma in style when you look at my cartoon.

Hey Trinity,
All through high school and college I dated the same person. Now we have broken up. As a new bachelor, what should and shouldn’t I be doing?
New Bachelor, Peoria, IL

Hey New Bachelor,
Congratulations on being with the same person all through your youth. While most people spend those years learning about bachelorhood and then meet someone special, you’ve learned it the other way around. So, pumpkin, here are:

Trinity’s Lifesaving Tips For Being An Excellent Bachelor Or Bachelorette
1. If you can’t decorate, hire someone! Plants, fake or real, and framed pictures do wonders!
2. Just because you live alone doesn’t mean you should be a slob. Get a housekeeper if you can’t clean up after yourself!
3. If you never cook for yourself, how will you ever learn to cook for someone else?
4. I know you should be loved for exactly who you are, but, please, spend time making yourself attractive whenever you go on a date, i.e., have clean teeth, breath, clothes, shave and smell nice.
5. Living alone can make you selfish over time. Keep checking to see if you’ve become a monster yet!
6. Keeping appointments written neatly in a calendar, always using your cell phone number and keeping an overnight bag in your car can make dating a hell of a lot easier.
7. If you’re too lax on paying your bills, stay single! No one dreams of taking on that much responsibility!
8. Having pets will help you learn to be affectionate, compassionate and responsible for others.
9. I know living by yourself is easier than living with someone else, but, eventually, you are going to have to grow up!
10. Lastly, singles and couples both have their troubles, but remember, couples live longer, bring in more money and have an easier future

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally

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