Men: mineral, vegetable or just plain horny?

Tell Trinity

by Trinity  Contributing Writer  trinity@telltrinity.com
Published: October 27, 2012 in Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
Why are men always so horny and promiscuous?
Horny To Know, Detroit, MI

Dear Horny To Know,
Men have a built-in, primitive instinct to spread their seed. It’s natural. Whether they like it or not, they get horny and end up doing crazy things to fulfill that instinct, which includes promiscuity. And, honey, I’m not sure if they’re aware enough to know they’re chasing after sex as much as they do!

Hey Trinity,
Not too long ago you expressed an appreciation for the whole circuit party phenomenon. Are you advocating drugs and sex? And, don’t you think circuit parties are ruining gay culture?
Circuit Wonders, LA, CA

Hey Circuit Wonders,
Circuit parties and drugs are not part of my experience. So, while I pray we culturally move away from drugs, I am aware they are part of the party. I will admit that when I did go to Montreal’s Black & Blue and Miami’s Winter Party, the eye candy was unbelievable and the drugs made me feel bad for my gay kin. Now, pumpkin, is it ruining gay culture or is it simply just a part of it? That’s yet to be determined. (Men in their element are just plain party animals as shown in my cartoon.)

Hello Trinity,
I’m having an affair with a guy who has confessed to having a lover for the past seven years whom he doesn’t live with, sees a guy he calls his “boyfriend” and he’s an escort. Am I crazy for having this affair?
Man Crazy, Provincetown, MA

Hello Crazy,
A lover, a boyfriend and you! I smell addiction everywhere. If you’re thinking of him as a future “anything,” then start tying the knot around your neck, but if you’re simply having an adventurous affair, then have fun and keep plenty of bandages close by. And, pumpkin, if on your 80th birthday you look back at this affair and laugh yourself right out of your wheelchair, then it’s worth it!

Dearest Trinity,
My girlfriend of 10 months is deeply in love with me, but I don’t love her anymore. I’m afraid to tell her to her face, so I’m thinking of just vanishing. I know it’s cold, but I’m afraid.
Help! Vanishing Act, Tulsa, OK

Dearest Vanishing Act,
There are good ways to dump someone and vanishing is not one of them! It’s evil. Unless your life is in danger, then you must break up in person. It’s only right after 10 months. But, even better, darling, try reading:

Trinity’s Evil Scenarios For Dumping Someone Inhumanely
1. After two months of internet dating, he flies across country to finally meet you, but you never pick him up and leave him stranded at the airport.
2. Just as you’re starting to make love, you blow out the candles and whisper, “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
3. It’s your third date. She gets out of the taxi and you run away, for good!
4. Without communicating anything, you suddenly stop answering his phone calls, his emails or your front door.
5. He throws a huge party so all his friends can meet you. And, everyone shows up, except you!
6. In the middle of Grand Central Station you yell, “I hate you” and leave her crying!
7. You’re at your boyfriend’s family reunion and everyone’s drunk. Suddenly, you stand up to announce that you’re a lesbian!
8. Her dog just died and she got fired, but you decide to sit her down anyway and tell her that, “It’s not working out!”
9. You ask her to meet you at her favorite restaurant for a surprise! But, the surprise is a big bouquet of flowers with a card that says, “It’s over!”
10. Lastly, you’re having an affair with your date’s best friend. You’re all three at dinner when you announce, “I want to live as a threesome couple!” : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama performed globally and is now minister of WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings.

info:
telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com.
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