My roommate’s very anal. She likes the kitchen and bathroom kept clean a certain way and that’s not all. How do I get her to be less anal and more relaxed?
A Pain in the Butt, NYC, NY
Hey A Pain in the Butt,
Anal, being obsessively attentive to detail, is only a problem when someone else wants to have things done their way. Very successful people are usually dedicated to detail, i.e., a good lawyer or architect. Nonetheless, pumpkin, always communicate your problems to your roommate in a timely manner and try to compromise. One day you may end up on the other side.
My live-in lover of three years hardly talks to me anymore. Now, I found out he has mail sent to his mom’s house. I feel like he’s hiding something. How can I get him to talk?
Speak No Evil, Savannah, GA
Dearest Speak No Evil,
You could snoop around for more clues and try to investigate, but if you weren’t born a Sherlock Holmes or Watson then think E=mc2 or Energy equals Mass, times (2)Acceleration. In other words think a solution (energy), introduce the problem to him (mass) and then force a meeting (acceleration). However, sweetie, before stirring up the energy, make sure you’re ready to discover that he, a) may have fallen out of love with you, b) is having an affair, c) doesn’t know how to communicate well or d) needs to be tied up, drugged and made to talk. Be aware, be careful and take action before a bomb gets dropped on you! (You can get some sound hints when you check out my cartoon.)
My boyfriend likes hanging around the house in his underwear. I hate it, for many reasons. How do I keep him dressed?
Underwear Blues, Miami Beach, FL
Dear Underwear Blues,
In most homes of taste and style, what he’s doing is a big faux pas, a no-no, a virtue confined to hillbillies and trailer trash! Nowadays, you can buy tastefully bi-useful underwear that passes for acceptable day wear, even nicer. Buy some and fill his drawers with them and slowly over bleach the white ones. And, if that doesn’t work, put him on steroids, place web cam’s everywhere and make some money, honey! Smile for the camera.
Recently, at a party, the hostess pulled me aside and told me to stop asking her guests so many personal questions. She said, “Your embarrassing everyone, including yourself!” Trinity, what’s so horrible about being inquisitive?
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Reno, NV
Hello Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,
Nothing, except, when you’re in public there are questions that are not appropriate! But, darling, just in case you’re still clueless here’s…
Trinity’s Memorable Tips For Questions Never To Ask In A Crowd
1. Lindsey, you look great! But, can you show my friends your face lift and liposuction scars?
2. When you’re at the gym Johnny, do you still lock yourself in the toilet stall and do “you know what?”
3. Kyle we’re all dying to know, after you were on “America’s Most Wanted,” how did you get out of that kidnapping and murder charge?
4. Do you still cheat on your taxes, Terry? And, where on earth do you hide all that money?
5. Andy, I heard you’re an illegal alien. Why don’t you tell everyone how you slipped past immigration?
6. I know you stopped having sex, Steve, because of all the arrests, but why’d you stop hiring escorts?
7. Eddie, is it true that when you have extramarital activities your partner likes to watch?
8. Now remind me again, Dave, when you have sex, are you a dominant top or a submissive bottom?
9. Danny, do you have any marijuana to sell me? I heard you’re a dealer now.
10. By the way, Leslie, you look so androgynous lately! Are you still taking hormones and thinking about having “the” surgery? : :
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama performed globally and is now minister of WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings.