My new live-in girlfriend is everything I ever dreamed of except sheâ€™s a slob. Iâ€™m not giving up, but Iâ€™m not giving in. Help!
The Clean One, Austin, TX
Dearest The Clean One,
I know a similar couple that rented an apartment with a second bedroom, which they called, â€śthe closet.â€ť In it laid piles of clothes, magazines and everything non-biodegradable. When things where left lying around, it got thrown into â€śthe closet.â€ť Every month theyâ€™d hire someone to clean it. Even more practical is the use of paper products. So, darling, think housekeeper, think creative solutions and think compromise or think of separate apartments! Good luck.
I came out late in life and am finally comfortable with being openly gay. The only roadblock left is with my repressive blue-collar profession. Any advice for people in jobs that keep them closeted?
Man in Blue, Peoria, IL
Dear Man in Blue,
To be perfectly blunt, no one really gives a crap whether youâ€™re gay or not. They have bills to pay, kids to feed and not a lot of time to worry about your sexuality. Well, maybe some repressed homo or uneducated redneck may flinch for a moment, but, eventually, heâ€™ll get over it. So, pumpkin, if you come out at work you may find out that everyone knew already or saved someoneâ€™s life who was closeted and suicidal, until you opened their pearly gates. Being gay is a gift, start acting like it! Now, would you please part the damn sea already so our people can get to the promise land! (My coming out was full of glitter and glitz as shown in my cartoon.)
Not to sound cynical, but it really bothers me when I see happy, loving, affectionate couples expressing themselves in public. Straight or gay, I still have problems with it. What can I do to stop them or myself from throwing up?
Cynical, Nashville, TN
First of all, never spend April in Paris and second, stop being so jealous. Theyâ€™re not doing it for or against you. Theyâ€™re in love, in a dream state and overflowing with their desires. Itâ€™s what poets write about, painters paint about and Hollywood directors make so much money about. Honey, itâ€™s time you try falling in love or start falling in love with people in love.
My boyfriendâ€™s childhood friend recently died. When I tried to uplift his spirits, he got very upset with me and insisted I stop trying to make â€śeverything okay!â€ť Trinity, what should someone do when they are helping someone deal with a loss?
Only Trying To Help, Reno, NV
Hey Only Trying To Help,
When it comes to death, there are a few basic dos and donâ€™ts that we are never taught in any school. So, sweetie here is,
Trinityâ€™s Gentle Doâ€™s And Donâ€™t For Helping Someone Deal With Death
1. Donâ€™t try to make it â€śalright.â€ť Itâ€™s not all right! Someone died.
2. Donâ€™t keep asking, â€śHow are you?â€ť Nothingâ€™s worse then being continually asked this question.
3. Donâ€™t push them into laughing or being happy. Theyâ€™ll re-experience happiness in due time.
4. Donâ€™tâ€™ try to make them â€śget over it.â€ť Denying someone their feelings is unkind and selfish.
5. Donâ€™t redirect their troubles by telling them your troubles. They are processing, not you!
6. Do allow them to tell you about this person, even when they are repeating themselves.
7. Do be very present and patient, which sometimes means sitting quietly for hours saying nothing.
8. Do cook and clean for them, making their process as comfortable as possible.
9. Do take care of yourself and your own needs, which may mean leaving them alone for a while.
10. Do support them in making a ritual or alter to pay homage to the person who died. This should help! : :
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted â€śSpiritually Speakingâ€ť a weekly radio drama performed globally and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.