Can you be dumped to death?

Tell Trinity

by Trinity  Contributing Writer  trinity@telltrinity.com
Published: January 3, 2014 in Tell Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
I almost made it to the one-year mark, but my girlfriend couldn’t. I’ve been dumped before, but this time I really was in love. It feels like someone died. I bounce between sad and angry. How long does this feeling last?
Dumped To Death, Savannah, GA

Dearest Dumped To Death,
Being dumped is not only like experiencing a death, it is a death. And like a death, there are four stages: shock, sadness, anger and finally there is resolution. For a close death, it can take as long as a year, but it can take less time if you work at it. Give yourself two to four weeks maximum to go through the four stages, then get right back on the dating horse, sweetie, and start celebrating life again. Sleeping lots and watching comedy shows helps too!

Dear Trinity,
My boyfriend and I never really committed sexually to each other, but recently he caught me cheating. Now, he insists I be monogamous “or else!” I don’t think I can do it. What should I do?
Monogamy Or Your Life, Portland, OR

tt_396_010314Dear Monogamy,
Many couples of all shapes and sizes have trouble with monogamy. Being in a “relationship” does mean “compromise,” which stands for trial and error. You’re not a child who can’t control his/her actions, you’re a grown up trying to have a healthy relationship! So, darling, do the best you can and remember, monogamy is one day at a time. (Speaking of mon-mon-mon-ogamy, see how this works in my world when you read my cartoon.)

Hey Trinity,
How long should I date someone before insisting they quit smoking?
Non-Smokers Blues, Quebec City, QC

Hey Non-Smoker’s Blues,
Dating a smoker is hell, I know. I’d give it two months if you can and, pumpkin, if he doesn’t offer to quit, or at least go on the electric cigarette, let him know that you may have to quit… dating!

Dearest Trinity,
I’ve been wanting to grow facial hair and now that I’m single I can. Any suggestions?
Facing Facial Hair, Chattanooga, TN

Dearest Facing Facial Hair,
Since famous women keep reinventing themselves with hair color, famous men are doing the same with facial hair. That’s why it’s time to read:

Trinity’s Fabulous Tips For Facing Facial Hair
1. Bald heads: Yes, be proud, but also try facial hair to ad depth and feature to your face.
2. Goatees (hair only around the chin): Fat faces look thinner with goatees because it adds length.
3. Mustaches: For big noses, this is an old trick. However, it’s an “old” style and the least stylish of all facial hair.
4. Van Dykes (mustache and goatee): A stylish look, but remember, a thin face needs a rounder Van Dyke and a round face needs a thinner one.
5. Sideburns (mutton chops, low or high, thick or long): If you must play with sideburns, then baby, make ‘em looking sleek. And, when it’s job-hunting time, get rid of ‘em.
6. Chin or Cheek Curtains: To hide fat cheeks or double chins, grow a thin beard line along the jaw bone to the ear or under the chin, up the smile lines and across the cheeks to the ear. Try it till you diet!
7. Chin Cuff/Flavor Saver (just a bit of hair under the lip): This makes the lower lip look bigger and a good place to start playing with facial hair!
8. Five o’Clock Shadow: Made popular by Don Johnson of Miami Vice. On some it looks great, but on others… it looks awful!
9. Full Beards: This rugged, very popular look may be for you, but keep it groomed. Also, try a Hollywoodian (shaving under the sideburns). Shampoo regularly, please!
10. Dyed Beards: If you insist on aging gracefully, take Metamucil, otherwise get Just For Men®. In five minutes you’ll be 10 years younger. Remember, pigment equals youth and health. : :

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.