Sex in the Twilight Years
The computer clicks on. The screen flashes to life. Applications begin loading. Internet Explorer launches; the homepage is set to craigslist.org. AIM is loading. Favorite bookmarks include: Adam4Adam, Bear411, SilverDaddies.com and Manhunt. Minimized in the toolbar is Gay.com. This isnâ€™t the computer of a college student, this is the new over-60 crowdâ€¦and theyâ€™re horny.
Aging is a natural part of life. Sex is just as natural. And, almost everyone interviewed felt the adage, â€śyou are as young as you feel.â€ť
There was no intended bias toward gay males; we were unable to get comments from women in the LGBT community, but we would still love to hear from you!
Darrell: 62 years old
Darrell is married with four children. This is his second marriage; he has been married to his current wife for 29 years. He is still attracted to her and finds her sexy, but she is going through menopause and sexy-time isnâ€™t on the top of her list.
He retired from a Fortune 500 company and passes free time looking for a trick on Craigslist. Heâ€™s also had luck at his gym.
Heâ€™s been with about 10 to 12 people in the past decade. Three of his encounters have been with men dressed in drag. Darrellâ€™s first same-sex encounter was at the age of 53. He was out of town and a cabbie took him to â€śa place that he knew.â€ť Darrell passed some money off to get a blowjob by a man dressed in tight shorts and a white halter-top. After he went back to the hotel he decided that every good entrĂ©e should come with dessert. He called the drag-clad hustler back to his hotel for round two. That was always a fantasy he had. He says thinking about it still causes him to pitch a trouser tent.
He has enjoyed the company of other women since heâ€™s been married. He hasnâ€™t paid for sex too often, but if he is in the mood for it he will.
Darrell says he prefers rough sex with guys. He prefers to give oral stimulation instead of anal sex, but he is submissive in either situation.
His biggest complaint about getting older is that it takes a little longer to get his man flag raised, but that didnâ€™t stop him from finding a well-endowed stud on a recent trip to Atlanta. After our conversation he thought he was going to have to find someone to hook up with.
Rodney: 62 years old
Rodney is gay. He is about 5â€™11â€ť, gray hair, average build. He has been in a relationship for about five years with a guy who is slightly younger than him.
According to Rodney the couple is completely monogamous and have been during their entire relationship.
His biggest change in sex, as heâ€™s gotten older: â€śItâ€™s great,â€ť he says.
Rodney said he is able to have sex as often as he likes â€” once a week. He just had sex the day before talking with qnotes.
He is open to many different kinds of guys, but he does prefer guys around his age, maybe slightly older or younger. His biggest turn-off is bad breath, poor hygiene and bad attitudes. He is more attracted to someone with a good heart. His attraction to someoneâ€™s personality is something that has been pretty constant throughout his life.
Buddy: 61 years old
Buddy is gay. Heâ€™s 5â€™8â€ť, 190 lbs, with short salt and pepper hair trimmed in a cropped military style. He describes himself as the guy next door. He loves to smoke pot. This blazer loves a macho guy with a natural physique, not something that is sculpted too much in the gym. He also wants a guy who likes to be serviced.
Buddy finds himself in Asheville after moving from the West coast a few years ago. He loves Asheville because the laid back people and the easy-going environment doesnâ€™t make him feel he has given up the things he loved about the West Coast. The weed is great and the guys donâ€™t have the same hang-ups on age as other places heâ€™s been.
He prefers masculine guys that are around 27 to 45 years old. His favorite place to meet guys is from Craigslist.
It could be the ganja, but Buddy says his biggest turn-on is someoneâ€™s energy. He is quick to add that he likes a guy who is ultra-masculine, and who has a nice smile.
His biggest sexual turn-on is the fantasy of servicing a masculine guy. â€śWorking him up to a frenzy and then backing off â€” keep edging him a bit,â€ť Buddy said. This is evidenced by the picture he sent me a few days earlier of him kneeling in front of a trick with the words, â€świll tell all,â€ť at the bottom.
There are good points about aging: â€śBeing able to say what you want and to get away with it,â€ť Buddy said. : :
This piece appeared in the April 17, 2010-April 30, 2010 print edition.