Why do gay men form close bonds with straight women, complete with flirtations. See, I really donâ€™t think my gay friend means to be cruel, but all his snuggling and affection makes me feel used. Maybe we need better boundaries?
Girl/Gay Boundaries, Kansas City, MO
Dear Girl/Gay Boundaries,
Yes, gay men do get carried away when it comes to beauty, a good pair of heels and female friendships, but when any two people form a friendship, thereâ€™s a definite â€ślineâ€ť not to be crossed and a need for boundaries that honors everyoneâ€™s needs. Gay men make great girlfriends, but, honey, if youâ€™re feeling used then â€śuseâ€ť this gay man and your relationship to learn how to â€śnot get usedâ€ť with other men by creating good boundaries!
Dating is so much work and so disappointing. I hate being single, but I also really hate dating? Whatâ€™s wrong with giving up?
Death By Dating, Miami, FL
Hey Death By Dating,
Itâ€™s easy to give up, especially with something as tough, time consuming and unpredictable as dating, but, pumpkin, the alternative of being old, alone or bored for the rest of your life is really not easier. So, get up, get dressed and get to the front lines of dating already. Just think of all the cute soldiers youâ€™ll get to share war stories with. (Oh, my cartoon is sure telling on this score.)
Iâ€™ve started chatting on the internet. Do you think the internet is time better or worse spent than going out to bars to meet people?
Chat Rooms vs. Bar Rooms, Phoenix, AZ
Hello Chat Rooms,
When it comes to time better spent, introverts, suburbanites and not-so-obviously attractive people would make better use of their time internet chatting, simply because itâ€™s easier for them than going out. Extroverts, city dwellers and obviously-attractive people should do the opposite, simply because going out guarantees youâ€™ll meet people live, where as chat rooms guaranteeâ€¦nothing.
Iâ€™m going on a first date and I want to make a great impression. Any suggestions?
First Impressions, Dayton, OH
Hey First Impressions,
Just wanting to make a great first impression means youâ€™re on the right track. But, besides not being all about yourself, your problems or your political/religious beliefs, remember:
Trinityâ€™s Upbeat Tips For A Winning First Impression
1. Dressing: Beg, borrow or steal something that says, â€śWow.â€ť And, if you donâ€™t know, ask! Torn, outstretched or bright patterns are a no-no!
2. Grooming: Besides clean teeth, breath, hair and smell, a manâ€™s best weapon is a clean shave or groomed beard. A womanâ€™s isâ€¦mascara.
3. Acting: Be willing to change a bad subject to keep the mood flowing upwards. If youâ€™re having a bad day, take two aspirins and shut up about it.
4. Communicating: Be aware of the speed you talk, ask and answer questions. Plus, always look and listen like youâ€™re interested!
5. Charming: Itâ€™s always right to be sweet, attentive and charming. If you have â€śitâ€ť use â€śit,â€ť if you donâ€™t, learn how to get â€śit!â€ť
6. Greeting: Start with good eye contact and men firm (not overbearing) handshake, women extend the elbow while shaking hands.
7. Open Lines: â€śNice to see youâ€ť, â€śItâ€™s a pleasureâ€ť or â€śYou look greatâ€ť are all better than, â€śWhatâ€™s up,â€ť â€śHow you doinâ€™â€ť or â€śI like your hair.â€ť
8. Conversing: â€śLifeâ€™s good,â€ť â€śIâ€™m wellâ€ť and â€śItâ€™s all coming togetherâ€ť are much smarter phrases than â€śLife sucks,â€ť â€śIâ€™m survivingâ€ťor â€śIâ€™m falling apart.â€ť Fake it if you must!
9. Confronting: If youâ€™re late or do something inappropriate say, â€śForgive me. It will never happen again (period).â€ť Never ignore your mistakes.
10. Lastly, Departing: Never leave abruptly or on a downbeat. Always end with, â€śI had a great time,â€ť â€śCanâ€™t wait to do it againâ€ť or â€śLetâ€™s talk in a fewâ€¦ years.â€ť : :
â€” With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was
host of â€śSpiritually Speaking,â€ť a weekly radio drama,
and now performs globally.