Gay men, straight women, friendships and boundaries

Tell Trinity

by Trinity  Contributing Writer  trinity@telltrinity.com
Published: May 29, 2010 in Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
Why do gay men form close bonds with straight women, complete with flirtations. See, I really don’t think my gay friend means to be cruel, but all his snuggling and affection makes me feel used. Maybe we need better boundaries?
Girl/Gay Boundaries, Kansas City, MO

Dear Girl/Gay Boundaries,
Yes, gay men do get carried away when it comes to beauty, a good pair of heels and female friendships, but when any two people form a friendship, there’s a definite “line” not to be crossed and a need for boundaries that honors everyone’s needs. Gay men make great girlfriends, but, honey, if you’re feeling used then “use” this gay man and your relationship to learn how to “not get used” with other men by creating good boundaries!

Hey Trinity,
Dating is so much work and so disappointing. I hate being single, but I also really hate dating? What’s wrong with giving up?
Death By Dating, Miami, FL

Hey Death By Dating,
It’s easy to give up, especially with something as tough, time consuming and unpredictable as dating, but, pumpkin, the alternative of being old, alone or bored for the rest of your life is really not easier. So, get up, get dressed and get to the front lines of dating already. Just think of all the cute soldiers you’ll get to share war stories with. (Oh, my cartoon is sure telling on this score.)

Hello Trinity,
I’ve started chatting on the internet. Do you think the internet is time better or worse spent than going out to bars to meet people?
Chat Rooms vs. Bar Rooms, Phoenix, AZ

Hello Chat Rooms,
When it comes to time better spent, introverts, suburbanites and not-so-obviously attractive people would make better use of their time internet chatting, simply because it’s easier for them than going out. Extroverts, city dwellers and obviously-attractive people should do the opposite, simply because going out guarantees you’ll meet people live, where as chat rooms guarantee…nothing.

Hey Trinity,
I’m going on a first date and I want to make a great impression. Any suggestions?
First Impressions, Dayton, OH

Hey First Impressions,
Just wanting to make a great first impression means you’re on the right track. But, besides not being all about yourself, your problems or your political/religious beliefs, remember:

Trinity’s Upbeat Tips For A Winning First Impression
1. Dressing: Beg, borrow or steal something that says, “Wow.” And, if you don’t know, ask! Torn, outstretched or bright patterns are a no-no!
2. Grooming: Besides clean teeth, breath, hair and smell, a man’s best weapon is a clean shave or groomed beard. A woman’s is…mascara.
3. Acting: Be willing to change a bad subject to keep the mood flowing upwards. If you’re having a bad day, take two aspirins and shut up about it.
4. Communicating: Be aware of the speed you talk, ask and answer questions. Plus, always look and listen like you’re interested!
5. Charming: It’s always right to be sweet, attentive and charming. If you have “it” use “it,” if you don’t, learn how to get “it!”
6. Greeting: Start with good eye contact and men firm (not overbearing) handshake, women extend the elbow while shaking hands.
7. Open Lines: “Nice to see you”, “It’s a pleasure” or “You look great” are all better than, “What’s up,” “How you doin’” or “I like your hair.”
8. Conversing: “Life’s good,” “I’m well” and “It’s all coming together” are much smarter phrases than “Life sucks,” “I’m surviving”or “I’m falling apart.” Fake it if you must!
9. Confronting: If you’re late or do something inappropriate say, “Forgive me. It will never happen again (period).” Never ignore your mistakes.
10. Lastly, Departing: Never leave abruptly or on a downbeat. Always end with, “I had a great time,” “Can’t wait to do it again” or “Let’s talk in a few… years.” : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was
host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama,
and now performs globally.

info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
Tell Trinity, P.O. Box 23861 . Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33307
Sponsored by: Provincetown Business Guild
800-637-8696 . www.ptown.org