Has masculinity become a badge of honor?
I enjoy playing poker. I used to play nickel poker. The stakes werenâ€™t high, but the amount of fun was worth the $20 in nickels. From poker I learned there are some combinations of cards that are â€śbetterâ€ť than others.
Two pair beat one pair. A straight beats three of a kind and the Grand Poobah is the royal flush. If gay men were to sit down and play a game of poker our royal flush would be â€śthe masculine guy.â€ť
A sampling of Craigslist ads reveal one thing: masculinity is in.
Annapolis, Md.: â€śwhite athletic discreet here. into other discreet athletic guys. not interested in guys who are fat, fem, or over 40.â€ť
San Francisco, Calif.: â€śVery Discreet, very masculine, dominant top looking to host a young (18-28) sub in my hotel.â€ť
Charlotte, N.C.:â€śSup dudes, Looking for someone in Charlotte that acts like a dude, good looking and cool to hang with and have a little fun and be friends with benefits or something like that. I am 165 lbs, blond shaggy hair, masc, not out, swimmers build. Hit me up if your interested with a FACE pic and your stats and I will reply. Please no one over 25. Laterâ€ť
Two things struck me. First, I didnâ€™t really see anything that indicated these guys were interested in anything but sex. Second, they didnâ€™t mention anything about looking for a quality guy.
Men also referred to themselves as â€śfemâ€ť looking for â€śstr8 acting.â€ť
It has come to the point that to refer to yourself as masculine has become a badge of honor, something to be proud about. People in the gay community are proud when someone doesnâ€™t know theyâ€™re gay at first.
What does that say about gay society? Where does the logic for that come from?
I want a guy who is smart and can construct a sentence that doesnâ€™t look like a text message. I want to be able to have a conversation about how I enjoy the book â€ś1984â€ť and how the symbolism that existed in that novel could fill annals. I want someone who will make me laugh â€” at myself. I want a guy whose interests I can learn and find excitement in new things to me that bring him so much happiness. I donâ€™t care if he is straight acting, what I care about is that he cares about me too.
We have debased ourselves.
Did a straight agenda begin to influence us? Was a thought put into our collective mind that being gay was so bad that we wanted to be straight and it was a good thing if we â€ślookedâ€ť like we were heterosexual? Is it better to be â€śpassable?â€ť
I know â€” we all have our preferences. I have my preferences, too. I just canâ€™t imagine creating a person in my head who must fall into so many strict parameters or they just arenâ€™t getting a shot.
What exactly is a masculine man? How do we reconcile at the end of the day what a man is?
Is a masculine man someone who has a job, can pay his own bills, takes care of his family? Does he need to have a chest covered with a dusting of black hair, know how to change a tire, change his oil or like to drink beer? I do all of those things and Iâ€™m not a masculine guyâ€¦or am I?
Queens are a lot better. A drag queen hurled one of the first blows at the Stonewall Inn riots. It is like the comedian Ant once said, â€śFour queens always beat a straight.â€ť : :