Drag queens, cross dressers and trannies…Oh, my!

Tell Trinity

by Trinity  Contributing Writer  trinity@telltrinity.com
Published: July 24, 2010 in Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
I just started doing drag, but there are so many words describing men who dress as women — like drag queens, transvestites or female impersonators — that my head hurts. Can you lay it out clear and simple?
Drag Head Aches, Key West, FL

Dear Drag Head Aches,
When gay men dress as women for fun, they’re called “drag queens;” when straight men do it, they’re called “crossdressers;” and any woman dressing as a man for fun is a “drag king.” However, if a gay, straight man or woman lives as the opposite sex 24/7, she/he’s called a transvestite and with a surgical sex change he/she’s a transsexual. Trans “sexual” meaning changed sex, trans “vestite” meaning changed clothes. “Vetements” is French for clothes. Now, honey, drag queens either portray a) glamorous Hollywood stars; b) cartoon-like female caricatures; or c) very upscale ladies in outfits to die for. When drag queens work lip-synching, singing live and/or looking like famous singers, they’re called “female impersonators” or “gender illusionists.” Some drag queens even create their own personas, like RuPaul, Dame Edna and Trinity (hey that’s me).

Dearest Trinity,
I’m going to ask someone on a date and I want it to go right. What’s the best night of the week to meet someone for a first date?
First Day, Portland, OR

Dearest First Day,
That’s a great question because there truly are better and worst days to go on a date. Wednesdays and Thursdays are prime first date nights because you’ll both have work the next day and have a set time to be together, i.e. seven o’clock drinks, then dinner, then home. Fridays and Saturdays are better saved for the third or fourth date. Mondays and Tuesdays are the worst date nights and Sunday, the lazy stay in bed day, is always best for consummating the relationship.

Hey Trinity,
My boyfriend is such a child. He always has something to say. Why do so many grown men act like boys?
Men 2 Boyz, New Foundland

Hey Men 2 Boyz,
From childhood. boys are taught to be competitive, self-sustaining and to do whatever they like.Girls are taught to be kind, family oriented and act like ladies. But, men can change if they hang around women who teach them to grow up. Listen, pumpkin, if you can train a parrot to talk, you may be able to train a man to shut up. (My cartoon sure can show you how!)

Hello Trinity,
Sometimes my lover looks and talks to other men. I also know he fantasizes about famous men. I tell him he’s cheating, but he says, “It’s not cheating, it’s normal!” Isn’t he cheating?
Cheated On Or Not, Greenwich, CT

Hello Cheated On Or Not,
Knowing if you’re cheated on or to what degree you’re cheated on isn’t easy. And, the more controlling you are, the more your boyfriend can mess up. Some types of cheating are normal, typical and even acceptable and are barely “cheating” while other acts are downright cheating. But, sweetie, to help you even further in finding out that most men are animals, here are:

Trinity’s Cheating Chart From Barely Cheating To Majorly Cheating: Barely Cheating
1. Looking at someone you may find attractive.
2. Talking to someone you may find attractive.
3. Making alluring comments about an attractive famous person.
4. Meeting someone publicly for a business lunch.
5. Kissing someone goodbye on the cheek for half a second.
Majorly Cheating:
6. Kissing someone hello on the lips for more than three seconds!
7. Meeting someone privately for an intimate dinner.
8. Sleeping over at someone’s house for the night when you’re not too drunk to drive.
9. Visiting someone for the weekend that you may find
attractive!
10. Having outright, down-and-dirty primate sex with anyone other than your prime mate! : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

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