If the first date is such hell, why bother?

Tell Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
I hate first dates. Why would anyone put themselves through such hell as a first date?
Skeptical, Nashville, TN

Dearest Skeptical,
Think of a first date as fun and lighthearted, like a stroll in the park, not the Last Supper. Think adventure! Think, learning about your likes and dislikes. Sure, some people are boring, but some are charming and funny, you’ll see. And, while some people are easy to figure out, others are shy, nervous or happen to be having a bad day. Life is exciting, sweetie, dating is exciting and first dates — well, try starting them off with a good martini.

Hey Trinity,
My girlfriend gets on my case because I’m sometimes late for work. She says, “To be successful you have to show up on time.” But, I say success is about showing up period. Don’t you think?
Successfully Late, Providence, RI

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Hey Successfully Late,
Yes, it’s been said, “Being early is on time. Being on time is late. And, being late is unacceptable.” However, pumpkin, just show up and you’re 90 percent there. Oh, and to be 100 percent successful for anything, you really should be fully awake. (Let the teacher show you how it’s done by taking a look-see at my cartoon.)

Dear Trinity,
I always date bad boys who treat me like crap and take advantage of my generosity. Sweet and kind eventually just turns me off. What’s my problem?
Bad Choices, St. Louis, MO

Dear Bad Choices,
Does the word “self-destructive” ring a bell? While tough and rough is sexy and a good challenge may be a big turn on, eventually, honey, you have to start dating someone who likes you more than you hate yourself. Make the switch.

Hello Trinity,
I just got dumped and I want to die. I put everything into this one. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t even get out of bed. Any magic pills or potions?
Dumped And Dead, Houston, TX

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Hello Dumped And Dead,
I wish I had some pills, but I took them all! Now, I must ask, “Is it really the worst thing? Will you give a damn in two years? And, must you take forever to heal? Darling, why not speed up the process with:

Trinity’s Speedy Tips For Getting Over Getting Dumped
1. If you’re depressed be depressed. Don’t hide it, but rather feel it and get into it. A lot of great music and poetry came from depression.
2. Do things that make you laugh. Watch TV comedies, rent funny movies and visit funny friends, but laugh. Yes, on one hand life is serious, but on the other hand, it’s also very funny.
3. Sleep, sleep, sleep! Your mind and emotions are going to tango for a while, so let your dreams do what they do best — help you fantasize.
4. Keep busy with projects, i.e. work, school or volunteering. Sitting around feeling useless will make you crazy! Hey, start a dating book, I did!
5. On a piece of paper, everyday write: “I forgive him. I forgive that bastard! She is forgiven!” Forgiveness is healing and, besides, you’ll forgive them anyway in 10 years.
6. Give your depression two weeks, no more. That’s enough. Being depressed is very unhealthy! And, then begin tips seven thru 10!
7. Start dating right away. Even if you know you’re not ready, just start practicing again. Also, get out and socialize, i.e. clubs, parties, anything!
8. Have sex! That’s right! And, right away. Don’t save yourself. You need to feel sexy, alive and grounded. Even hire someone. Just this once!
9. Force yourself to get over it and move on. Be that person people say, “He isn’t wasting time feeling sorry for himself!”
10. Lastly, go away, stay away, move away, but don’t cohabitate with or near anyone who dumps you. And, get rid of the guns! : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
Sponsored by: Provincetown Business Guild
800-637-8696 . www.ptown.org

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