Hey Trinity,
Why does dating always have to be so negative and draining? Isn’t there some way for getting through the daily sludge of dating?
Sick O’Dating, Palo Alto, CA

Hey Sick O’Dating,
Dating is always going to be a challenge. That’s life, sweetie, but to survive those draining nighttime dates, it’s best to start every morning with a dating affirmation. It’ll keep you positive-minded and open-hearted. And, it goes like this, “Dating is healthy, adventurous and educational. With each date, I attract interesting, healthy and supportive people who treat me with respect and kindness. Being single and dating will bring me to a higher place. I also forgive all bad dates and trust they’ll lose their teeth someday.” There don’t you feel better. And, if affirmations don’t help, Absolut vodka comes in many flavors. That will definitely help!

Hello Trinity,
I dated this really interesting guy for a month before going to see his place. Trinity, it was so dirty I couldn’t sit down. His laundry basket was his floor. Now he keeps calling and wants to see me more, but I can’t. Am I wrong for wanting out because he’s so dirty?
Dirty Dating, New Orleans, LA

Hello Dirty Dating,
No, you’re not wrong for wanting out. Dating him will eventually mean cleaning up after him, which may be just the start of many other issues. But, pumpkin, it wouldn’t “mess him up” if you told him the truth before ending it. Better luck next time. (Cues and clues can be gained from my cartoon, for sure!)

Dear Trinity,
I was recently invited to my straight friend’s wedding. I’m gay and nervous about bringing my boyfriend. Would it be too selfish?
Wedding Outings, Austin, TX

Dear Outings,
Being gay means being proud, out and ready for no one to really care about your sexuality. Today, being gay is a part of life. In other words, they’ll deal with it in their own way! And, anyway, honey, when gay couples go to straight weddings, everyone almost always assumes that they’re brothers, unless you slow dance together and then they just think one of you is blind.

Dearest Trinity,
I’m dating a smoker and I’m a nonsmoker. I’m trying to be accepting of it, but it’s really not easy. Help!
Smoked Out, Montreal, QC

Dearest Smoked Out,
It’s hell, I know, baby. But, there are a few lessons I have learned. So here are:

Trinity’s Thick Tips For Dating a Smoker
1. Learn to sit downwind on the floor, as far away as you can, when your date is smoking.
2. Learn to light incense and carry breath mints.
3. Learn to calmly and non-confrontationally ask, “Can you move your cigarette, darling, to your other hand, away from me so that the smoke blows into someone else’s face!
4. Learn to control your mild depression and discomfort every time your date lights up (as if it doesn’t bother you).
5. Learn to look at, smell and love the sight of a dirty ashtray!
6. Learn to constantly feel like a nag for having to ask, “Honey can you wash your hands and mouth from the cigarette before cooking our food or kissing my face.”
7. Learn to hate being in closed quarters, especially cars, when your date begs, “Do you mind if I smoke, sweetie, I’ll keep the window down!” (As if his smoke defies science and nature by not entering the car.)
8. Learn to control your nervous twitch, snappy temper and dissatisfaction for dating a smoker as the weeks, months and cigarettes burn by!
9. Learn to take breaks from your date so that he or she can smoke while you’re nowhere in sight (crying over this smoky situation!)
10. And, lastly, learn to finally break up with your date before killing him, her or yourself for the torturous months of stink, disgust and disrespect which has now driven you to smoking!

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was
host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama,
and now performs globally.

info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
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