After seven years with the same person, our relationship has become sexually stale. Some of our friends who are also couples say, “Try different and alternative sexual activities.” Don’t you think sexual “alternatives” are cop-outs?
Alternative Desires, Glenn Falls, NY
Some people say, “Being in love and making love should be enough and anything else is a cop-out.” To them I say, “You’ve obviously spent lots of time in divorce court.” Pumpkin, as time goes by, every relationship needs love, happiness and things that help the relationship grow, emotionally as well as sexually. Every relationship truly needs its share of naughty, nice and spice, which also means opening up to relationship alternatives. Besides counseling and taking romantic vacations together, many couples turn to alternatives such as role-playing, intimate videos and/or sexual toys. Some couples even try mild S&M, threesomes and sex clubs (gasp). Communication is what keeps a relationship alive, but seeking alternatives in a relationship is often what helps a relationship to thrive!
I’m trying to convince my friend to come out (of the closet) to his family and friends. Don’t you think that it is better and healthier to come out than to hide it from everyone all the time?
Coming Of Age, Savannah, GA
Hello Coming Of Age,
Yes, coming out has to be one of the single most important transitions a healthy and happy gay person makes. Being “closeted” in some way or another leaves people with a sense of shame or of being “in hiding” which is dangerous, debilitating and dumb! Remind your friend of Dorothy in the “Wizard Of Oz” who was afraid of the great and powerful wizard until one day she realized that he was actually afraid of her and that her desires to go home actually gave great freedom to the people of Oz. So, darling, keep pushing your friend to come out because there really is “No place like home!” (Follow the yellow brick road to see what I do in my cartoon.)
Every time I’m at my boyfriend’s house, he has house guests cooking, hanging out and watching TV. There is never any privacy. I always feel like we’re making his guests uncomfortable. My house is not an option. How do I get his houseguests to leave when we need privacy?
House Guests Horrors, Chicago, IL
It’s difficult to have any sense of romance or privacy when you’re in a fraternity house full of houseguests — unless you always want to lock yourself in the bedroom. First, ask your boyfriend if you can either have a quiet evening at his home or pick a night of the week that he can ask his friends not to visit. And, if all else fails, sweetie, go to the fuse box and “suddenly” create a power outage to see if that doesn’t get these “super-glue” houseguests to stick themselves somewhere else.
Why do some people have the ability for figuring out if a man is gay or not. There must be clues?
Clueless, Chattanooga, TN
Some men give away their sexuality by the way they dress, act, and/or by the company they keep, but mostly by what they say. Next time you’re in a pinch, honey, try this word association test. It may help!
Trinity’s Word Association Test For Straight And Gay Men
Straight Word Association
1. House – Building
2. Sports – Bar Room
3. Fire – Truck
4. Mussles – Bake
5. Food – Fast
6. Court – Divorce
7. Sunday – Football
8. Garden – Madison Square
9. Cleaning – I Don’t Know!
10. Car – Racing or Repair
11. Parade – What?
Gay Word Association
1. House – Decorating
2. Sports – Locker Room
3. Fire – Men
4. Mussles – Worship
5. Food – Gourmet
6. Court – Empress
7. Sunday – Brunch
8. Garden – London’s Covent
9. Cleaning – That’s All I Do!
10. Car – Chauffeur or Mechanic
11. Parade – Where! : :
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was
host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama,
and now performs globally.
info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
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800-637-8696 . www.ptown.org