Hi Trinity,
After work I like to go to the local bar for a drink, but I always get approached by guys who act friendly, yet eventually get aggressive about getting into my pants. How do I turn someone away without being too rude?
Just A Drink, Milwaukee Wisc.

Hi Just A Drink,
Here are some hints for stopping your relaxing, happy hour drink time from turning you into a meat market special. First, put a ring on your wedding finger. Second, sit at the end of the bar so there’s only one seat open and toss your coat on that seat. Third, have one comment that scares people off like, “I can’t talk, my jealous lover is coming and I don’t need anymore bloodshed!” Fourth, try places like cafes or restaurant bars instead of pick up bars. And, lastly, darling, try looking less seductive. Don’t worry. One day you’ll be old and fat and wish this was your biggest problem!

Dear Trinity,
My girlfriend freaks out that I take so long getting dressed when we go out, but it’s my one enjoyment. Must I stop wasting her time by not taking my time?
Dressing Drama, Ft. Lauderdale, Fla.

Dear Drama,
If you need time take it, but start earlier or make later plans. This way, honey, you can take your time without taking so much of her patience. (My cartoon sure can show you how!)

Trinity! Help,
Three weeks ago I fell in love with a young man, but I know he just wants to be friends. He is also moving out of state. Do I risk losing his friendship by telling him how I feel or do I keep my big yap shut?
Totally Confused, Reno, Nev.

Dear Confused,
He “just wants to be friends.” He’s moving out of state. And, it’s only been three weeks. Knock, knock, is anyone home who is not obsessive-compulsive? It sounds like you’re lonely and swimming into unhealthy waters. Pumpkin, here’s a little poem I wrote just for you. “There once lived a man who was alone. Until one day he got a bite of a lovely, young bone. But when he didn’t want to unclench he got dumped into a trench until a cold shower and some self-esteem showed him the way home.” So, shut up, grow up and let him go, please!

Dear Trinity,
I have a coworker whom I know is gay even though he won’t admit it. How does one truly know if someone is gay?
Helpful, Kansas City, Mo.

Dear Helpful,
It’s hard to know who is who without rainbow stickers, HRC clothing or leather arm bands and that’s why, sweetie, I created:

Trinity’s Top Secret Tips For Knowing If “You’re Probably Gay” (YPG)
1. Needing expensive colognes, fine shoes, upscale vacations and a Jack Russell means… YPG.
2. If you cried when Susan Lucci got an Emmy for “All My Children,” well, then…YPG.
3. Owning “Mommy Dearest,” “All About Eve” and the original “A Star Is Born” can only mean one thing… duh!
4. When you look at your fingernails with your palm facing down, guess what?
5. So, you love Broadway, musicals, the theater and Cirque du Soleil,well…YPG.
6. If your CD collection includes Betty Buckley, Barbra Streisand and Bernadette Peters, honey…YPG.
7. Living with your mother, vacationing with your mother and/or including your mother in your social activities is wonderful and YPG.
8. When you pull off your T-shirt from the sides up and over, instead of from the back forward, guess what again?
9. All your best friends are women. You don’t talk about sex with anyone. And, you take unexplainable midnight walks then… YPG.
10. Lastly, if you know these words, wall sconces, duvet covers and chenille throws, well then… welcome to Oz, Dorothy!

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.
info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
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