The secret spell of the drag queens

Tell Trinity

Hello Trinity,
I’ve been dating this guy off and on for almost a year, but then I met his brother. Now, I have been fooling around with his brother behind his back. Am I bad or is it his brother’s fault?
Brotherly Sins, Los Angeles, CA

Hello Brotherly Sins,
Now, I know I’ve read this problem somewhere. Oh, yes, here it is in the book called, “Demonic, Immoralistic, Shameful Living” written by Satan himself just before descending into the underworld. In the chapter called “Ruining A Family Without A Conscience” it clearly states that, “When you date two brothers at the same time, any morals or standards that you thought you had no longer exist.” This chapter also touches on future karmic punishment, but that’s way too graphic for me to print. Darling, you better start sleeping with a weapon for protection because this is not a love story, this is a revenge thriller.

Dear Trinity,
The world is in such turmoil: the economy, the GOP war on the working class. 2012! I can’t find the meaning of life! Help!
Lost, Tulsa, OK

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Dear Lost,
Every so often even the most fabulous find themselves lost. Pumpkin, you must force yourself to conquer your loss for life by getting lots of sleep, keeping busy, intellectually challenging yourself, as well as working on the next election and facing your fears constantly! (See my cartoon to learn how to conquer your current malaise and deal with things that are scary.)

Hey Trinity,
I caught my boyfriend in the bathroom at a circuit party with another guy for the second time. He said that they were just doing drugs. Why are gay men into drugs and sex at the bar even if they have someone special at home?
Sex & Drugs, Detroit, MI

Hey S & D,
Some relationships are “win-win,” but this sounds more like “loser-loser!” Drugs and/or sex in the toilet stall also sounds like juvenile delinquency at its finest. Having a boyfriend doesn’t mean having this problem. This problem is way too Sid & Nancy. Sweetie, before you catch him a third time you need to say, “Make a fool of someone else — good-bye!”

Dearest Trinity,
I need to go to court, but my offense is not big enough to be appointed a lawyer. I need one and I can’t afford one. Help!
Lawyerless, Tucson, AZ

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Dearest Lawyerless,
I may not have been born in a courtroom, but, honey, I’ve been in one many times for many reasons. So, on those trying court days where you must go it alone here are:

Trinity’s Trusty Tips For Winning in Court Without A Lawyer
1. Showing up on time with a good attitude always works best.
2. Be very prepared with pictures, statements, witnesses and short, to the point answers.
3. You’re not in a foreign country where they flog you, so at least appear grateful and respectful to the judge, jury and the press.
4. Look professsional. Men: dress shirt, (optional) tie, slacks, shoes. Women: two piece suits and hair up!
5. If you have a law enforcement, post office, doctor or military uniform, wear it!
6. Pointing, throwing things or swearing in court is one way to be found guilty or in “Contempt Of Court.”
7. I know you’re a gay rights, feminist, Afro-American, Buddhist activist, but a courtroom is not the place to attack the system.
8. Would you rather die right or live! If your life is at stake think twice about needing to prove yourself right! (Review: Salem Witch Trials)
9. The more money you have the better chance you have of getting out of trouble, so get it, borrow it or find it if you can!
10. Lastly, our judicial system has major failures, but it’s what we have, so learn to manipulate it rather than blame it! : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
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