When in Rome do as the Romans do

Tell Trinity

Hello Trinity,
Recently, I moved in with my father and his new wife. But, she wants me to be quiet about being gay. She’s afraid she will lose custody of her grandchildren because a gay man is living in her house. I told her it won’t happen. It’s against the law. Unfortunately, I don’t have a job or the money to move. What should I do?
Upset & Depressed, Billings, MT

Hello Upset,
You’ve got every right to be upset. It’s awful being closeted, but if you choose to live in their house, then you must live under their rules while you’re there. She’s not so awful for wanting to protect her grandchildren. And, if she’s afraid it will end up in court or even if she’s making the whole thing up, it’s her house! When you have your own house you can make the rules. For now, get a job, save your money and get out ASAP! Oh, and, pumpkin, give yourself a pat on the back for being able to make adult compromises in tough situations.

Dearest Trinity,
I met a guy who is new to gay life. We’re having lots of sex and I’m falling in love. But, he doesn’t want to get serious or even call it dating. Am I going to need a heart transplant in the end?
Falling Hard From Just Sex, Atlanta, GA

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Dearest Falling Hard,
If you’re falling in love when you’re “supposed to” just feel sexual, then you’re a healthy man in a world where many men are afraid of dating…and that’s their issue. For now, enjoy the moment, even if you end up burning from it — I mean learning from it — which may only last for a short time anyway. And, yes, you may want to start shopping for a new heart, but most likely, sweetie, you won’t need to purchase it. (The ways of the heart can be expounded on when you read my cartoon.)

Dear Trinity,
Not too long ago you did a Trinity’s Tips for “the wrong moment” to end a relationship. What about “the right moment” to get out of one?”
Avid Reader, Seattle, WA

Dear Avid Reader,
It’s taken me years of research to find just the right moment to kill, I mean end a relationship. So, honey, here are the results.

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Trinity’s Final Tips For TRM: “The Right Moment” To File For Divorce
1. With a bouquet of flowers and tickets for a cruise, you throw open the door to find him on top of…your best friend. TRM
2. Your entire family has flown in for your commitment ceremony and guess who comes stumbling up the isle, incoherently drunk, again! TRM
3. He suddenly announces, “No more sex, I’m fasting for six months and my mother is moving in.” TRM
4. After two months of dieting, liposuction recovery and finally getting off antidepressants, she reminds you that, “You’re still an overweight mess who will never be happy.” TRM
5. Your partner of five years says, “Either change everything you do or I’m leaving!” TRM
6. Not only has he been a lunatic from the steroids, besides spending every night at the gym, now he insists on replacing all your meals with protein drinks. TRM
7. Your friends are all gathered around the piano singing happy birthday to you, when your lover starts screaming (again), “Why is it always about you!” TRM
8. After you gave up your great job, moved to his country, changed your last name to his and promised eternal love, he wants you to give up all ties to your (very large) family!” TRM
9. While on a business trip, you call and call, but still no answer. Finally, you call your neighbor who tells you that her own husband has left her…for yours. TRM
10. After working five years on your Ph.D., you’re finally two days away. But, he gets jealous, destroys your computer and yells, “Your career is always more important than me!” TRM

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
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