Trinity Dear,
I’m 36, fun, good-looking and very educated. I just can’t go to GLBT bars, chat rooms or any other ridiculous place GLBT people go to meet each other. So, how can I meet my match without dumping my self-respect?
Roaming with Respect, Tulsa, OK

Dear Roaming,
In GLBT life, gay bars, chat rooms and other meaningless acts are somewhat cultural and actually meaningful. It’s where gay people were first allowed to be gay. However, darling, it’s 2012, so you now can join a spiritual, political, educational or sports group in the GLBT community. Many GLBT folks exclusively go to these events. It will give you the self-respect you need and introduce you to many GLBT’ers who have found alternative meeting situations. And, lastly, when you’re at these events, talk, socialize and act interested. Being gay is really great, so sell your fabulousness like a new car, not a used one.

Hey Trinity,
When I was single, I had lots of freedom. Even though I was lonely at times, my life was all mine. Now, I feel like I’m a slave to my relationship. Is my dissatisfaction all in my mind?
Trapped, Providence, RI

Hey Trapped,
The way you see life is all in your mind, knowing that fact should give you freedom. So, honey, change in your mind what you can’t accept and accept in your mind what you can’t change! (My cartoon shows you how I handle the harem issue.)

Hello Trinity,
Is it always proper, even in gay dating situations, to hold the door, stand up when someone is leaving the table and walk someone to their house?
Proper, South Beach, FL

Hello Proper,
Yes it’s always proper, but establishing who’s the leader or follower takes time or, at least, a drink. Straights typically stick to the established rules. But, until you know who’s who, go ahead, be proper, be courteous and be yourself. Yet, pumpkin, in those head-bunting situations where both are leaders, take turns and take videos…and send them to me!

Dearest Trinity,
I went on two blind dates last month and everything went wrong. My compliments ended up as insults and everything else I said turned to unintelligible babble. I want to sound like a poet, but I end up sounding like an idiot. I’m truly afraid to face another disaster.
First Disasters, St. Louis, MO

Dearest First Disasters,
Yes, you do need some help, especially being yourself on first dates. However, sweetie, don’t be too much yourself if it’s too beat poet without a job, hint, hint. Even better why not read:

Trinity’s Poetic Tips For Destroying A First Date
1. Looking sloppy, unkempt or like you just got over the flu means planning a second date is not gonna happen for you!
2. Laying all your cards on the table at first, leaves a waterlogged first date, with no chance of thirst.
3. Discussing your financial, emotional or relationship troubles is like placing your dentures along side the champagne bubbles.
4. Being false, pretentious or telling over inflated lies, is a big no-no unless you like short goodbyes.
5. With charm, good attitude and a dose of intent, you can rest assured this first date won’t end in lament.
6. Planning future trips together or expressing spousal needs can turn any first date into a meal you want to heave.
7. Going to a strip club, bathhouse or your favorite pickup bar with a new first date is the biggest faux pas!
8. Having too many sexual needs or needing money to pay your way, is like violently murdering the bride on her beautiful wedding day.
9.If you have anything “special” that your first date might catch, sharing this information should come from your words, not your snatch!
10. And, lastly, expecting this date to be “everything you ever wanted” is like forcing a child into a house that
is haunted! : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

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2 replies on “Meeting someone outside The GLBT Box”

  1. RE: Roaming With (Dis)Respect

    A night out at the bar isn’t ridiculous unless you make it out to be such. Granted, it doesn’t seem to be your favorite place to spend time, but just because you don’t like it doesn’t make it worthy of your derision or contempt. That’s sort of like bashing someone because they like green tea (or women) and you don’t.

    If you have issues with some aspects of LGBT culture and community, it’s better to examine them and see if they are legitimate complaints (as in, bar culture seems overly superficial to me) or rooted in some internalized homophobia that might be contributing to some insecurities (as in, disliking effeminate men because they don’t fit the modern construction of what’s acceptable for males.)

    For what it’s worth, the advice given you is sound; if you don’t like the bar scene, there are plenty of other places to find kindred souls. I don’t like going to bars much either and have found “chat” sites to lead me towards self-defeating habits instead of dates. What I don’t need to do is to ridicule the venues in order to retain my self-worth. What I did, and perhaps what might work for you, was examine*why* I dislike those things in order to avoid potential pitfalls in other situations as well.

  2. I once shared a podium with the Oxford emeritus professor of psychology.

    When asked for the best way of finding a mate he said something like “Join a tennis club. I did my research into couples in the fifties so I don’t know its equivalent today. Just spend time with a large group of people who meet to do something they enjoy, somewhere there is little or no alcohol and where you get to talk without shouting over the music.”

    I found my partner (i’m gay by the way) at a political meeting and we’ve been together 35 years

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