Dearest Trinity,
Why do gay people and straight people think about monogamy so differently?
Monogamy Dilemma, Las Vegas, NV

Dearest Monogamy Dilemma,
Monogamy means different things at different times to different people. Ever since Stonewall the gay community has been forced into re-evaluating monogamy morally, politically, culturally and spiritually. And, baby, since gay people are different than straights, monogamy will have a different meaning. That’s one of the beauties of being gay. Just saying!

Hello Trinity,
I really don’t believe in voting. It’s minorities being controlled by the majority. There’s so much corruption anyway. Voting doesn’t help!
Taking A Stand, Columbia, SC

Hello Taking A Stand,
Long ago, before voting, one group would go to war with another and whomever had the most soldiers left alive would take power. Some countries never change governments without bloodshed, and America is not one of them — so be proud. And, yes, darling, all governments have corruption, but voting makes it possible to have some balance or control over the corruption. Voting has made being gay in 2012 very different than in 1972! Please vote! (My cartoon shows you how to join up!)

Dear Trinity,
On TV the other night Jennifer Lopez was wearing a shirt exposing everything but her nipples. When is too much enough?
Too Much La Clivage, Spokane, WA

Dear La Clivage,
Topless women are very normal in Europe and quickly undressing our American shores. Although Women’s Lib may seem historic, it’s still going strong. In New York City they passed a law, “If men can go topless in public then so can women.” Pumpkin, the best thing to do with change is try to accept it as quickly as possible! Ah, the joys of growing older.

Hey Trinity,
Recently, while at a party, I met this couple who talked excessively about Republicans and Jesus. Eventually, I had to be rude and walk away. They were appalled! When is it the right time to walk away?
Not Wrong But Rude, Peoria, IL

Hey Not Wrong But Rude,
Being a big party go-er, I can sympathize. In my life, honey, I’ve found there are times when being polite means pulling your hands off their throat and walking away. Here are some examples.

Trinity’s Wise Tips For Knowing When To Walk Away
1. You’re finally found a parking spot when suddenly a 300 lb., truck-driving redneck, displaying a shotgun in the back window, takes your spot!
2. As a waiter you’re taking an order from a couple who begins verbally fighting with each other, when one grabs a steak knife.
3. On the celebration of your first year with sobriety, your new roommate throws you a booze and bong party.
4. You find the man you’re about to marry is in bed with the man you just divorced. Put the gun down and walk away.
5. Refusing to eat the gourmet dinner you spent all day preparing specifically for her, your mother-in-law says, “This meal isn’t fit for humans, sweetie!”
6. Your straight friend, whom you keep telling you’re gay, sets you up on a blind date with the opposite sex!
7. On the first day of Chanukah, sweet, innocent carolers come a knockin’ at your door singin’, “Jesus is the way! Praise Jesus with us!” Shut, don’t slam, the door!
8. The really cute guy, who’s been buying you drinks all night, returns from barfing in the bathroom and now wants to French kiss!
9. As you’re sitting in front of the pizza parlor, late at night, alone, six punk teenagers start harassing you about the Jewish star on your neck and the rainbow flag on your hat.
10. Lastly, it’s 2 a.m. and you just finished singing a two-hour jazz set, when someone sneaks backstage to endlessly express a problem they had with one of your advice columns they recently read! : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally

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