My best friend won’t talk to me anymore because I told someone something about her that I swore I would never tell. Don’t you think it’s wrong to give up a longtime friendship just because someone slipped?
No Big Deal, Nashville, TN
Hey No Big Deal,
When Monica Lewinski slipped to Linda Tripp look what happened! When Virginia Hill slipped to the mob about her boyfriend, Bugsy Seigel, the next day he was shot in the head. Sweetie, when someone tells you something in secrecy, you suddenly become as important as a CIA agent. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to be friends with someone who can’t take a secret to their grave. If you can’t keep a secret, let your friends know. There’s no shame in not being able to keep a secret, but there is in not keeping one. Just say no!
After dating someone for two months, I told him that I wasn’t interested anymore. Still, he constantly calls, comes by and is now bothering my friends. I can’t shake him. Help?
Stalker Troubles, Brooklyn, NY
Dear Stalker Troubles,
Plan A, first, clearly tell him that you don’t want to see him. Second, insist that he stop calling, coming by or bothering your friends. “There is no two ways about it!” Third, be tough, stern and aggressive, even if it’s not your nature. Lastly, if all this fails, then go to plan B. Plan B, first go to his work and publicly embarrass him. Make a big scene. Second, call his friends and family and let them know what he’s doing, that they must stop him or you’ll see them all in court. Finally, if he’s really freaking you out, it’s time for a little vacation. Waiting down south for a Key West martini, darling, is much healthier than waiting to be stalked. Give ‘em hell.
I’m looking for a real man. Not someone who’s pretentious or constantly worried about his looks. Not a party animal, but a passionate beast. A man who lets himself enjoy a relationship. Where can I find him?
Looking, San Antonio, TX
First, you have to look long and hard. Groups, ads, services and word-of-mouth wouldn’t hurt. As Kahlil Gibran says, “Before love finds you, you must be sifted, kneaded, grinded and threshed.” Sounds exciting to me! So, honey, allow yourself to go on a journey rather than a drag race. But, if that’s too much work, then turn on an old WCW match, find the wrestler Bill Goldberg and take a good long look at one man who is everything one could ever dream of. Don’t touch, he’s mine! Even if it takes me a lifetime! Back to work. (I know how to figure out if a guy is manly enough. Check out my cartoon for my thought process.)
I want to be like you: a singer, a writer an artist, but I don’t know how to start. My life, job, friends, etc., are all set. How do I get more creative?
Artist In Waiting, Boston, MA
To Artist In Waiting,
Nearly everyone who wants to be an artist already is, but, pumpkin, before you sign up for that “artist within” retreat try reading:
Trinity’s Helpful Tips For Finding Your Creative Self
1. Do something dangerous. Facing one fear destroys many other fears.
2. Deny yourself something you can’t. Stronger wills make stronger artists.
3. Take different routes to work and other places. Challenge what is constant.
4. Forgive someone you can’t. Resentment promises stagnation.
5. Visit new places. New environments bring new creative ideas.
6. Deny yourself one of your senses for a day, expanding your other senses.
7. Invite unfamiliar or ridiculous conversations. Everyone is a teacher.
8. Redecorate, even with the same furniture. Change your surroundings.
9. Ask lots of questions. There are no stupid questions.
10. Start acting like an artist. Fake it ‘til you make it! But, do it. Just get wet! : :
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.