When to keep your mouth open and when to shut it

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
I know you’re going to tell me to mind my own business, but one of my friends was a stripper and is now escorting. I’m worried about him. Should I speak to his parents?
Righting A Wrong, Orange County, Calif.

Dear Wronging A Right,
Should you decide what is right or wrong for him and speak to his parents? Yes, if he’s jumping off a bridge, about to harm someone or if he’s abusing drugs or alcohol, then, please, tell someone who can help him. But escorting? That’s a far cry from that, especially if he’s doing it through magazines, websites or respectable nightclubs. Pumpkin, loving someone or being his friend means letting him have his own adventures and experiences. Actually, you’ll have no friends if you stop the people you love from living their destiny. Seriously, if he’s doing something as deeply challenging and transforming as escorting and stripping, then let him practice his art without you barfing your obsession for him all over his innocent family. Need I say more?

Hey Trinity,
I know you have a Masters of Divinity degree, so I have a holy question for you. In the Bible in Levitcus 18:22 it says, “A man shall not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination.” What’s your take on it?
Biblically Troubled, Tampa, Fla.

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Dear Bible Troubles,
You mean an abomination, like eating shellfish or adultery? I always thought that passage was too pushy especially since it was translated so many times by so many dictators, into so many languages and during so many hot political dramas. You know, honey, I think it’s time Trinity rewrote it as well. P.S. Google, “Proposition 8 The musical.” (My take on the subject is highlighted in my cartoon.)

Hello Trinity,
I’m confused about my bisexuality and don’t understand how to find someone special that is bisexual as well, either male or female. How do I privately find someone like me?
Calling All Bi’s, Eugene, Ore.

Hello Calling All Bi’s,
It’s time to go public with your private life. Newspapers in local and nearby cities have personal ads and meeting lists for finding others like yourself. The internet will also connect you to infinite bisexuals locally and globally. Yet, if you’re confused about your bisexuality then that’s something you’ll have to figure out through trial and error. And, sweetie, while straights and gays date their own kind, bisexuals don’t have to, but you do however have to find someone understanding. Hey, but don’t we all!

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Dearest Trinity,
Is there anything I can do to keep the flame alive in my marriage? The stress of life and the economy has made my relationship robotic. There must be something we haven’t tried?
Robotics, Houston, Texas

Dearest Robotics,
Marriage troubles? I almost forgot what that was like while enjoying singlehood. But, that’s another martini! For right now, darling, you have a real problem and I have some real solutions with…

Trinity’s Survival Tips For Maintaining A Marriage
1. Go on a far away, romantic, expensive second honeymoon. (You deserve it!)
2. Just for the hell of it, send your spouse sexy notes, flowers, texts or emails.
3. Don’t fight over cleaning. Hire someone to do it.
4. Read Virginia Satir’s “People Making.” She saved many of my marriages.
5. Dinner together on the beach at sunset is not just for enlightened seagulls.
6. Try unimaginable types of intimate activities. Think big and frilly.
7. Visit people you both like. It helps remind you that you’re a couple.
8. Stop complaining about every little thing that bugs you. That’s what girlfriends and drinking buddies are for.
9. Be open to getting couples counseling. It’s fun and very helpful.
10. Lastly, never try to be like the perfect couple next door. They’re not perfect!

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.
info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
Tell Trinity, 1617 Rue Champlain, Montreal, QC H2L2S5
Sponsored by: Provincetown Business Guild
800-637-8696 . www.ptown.org

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