Five easy steps for turning up the flame of your lover’s sexual appetite

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
Maybe it’s normal over time, but sex with my partner has grown from daily and weekly to barely once a month and we’ve only been together for two years. I don’t like the direction our sex life is headed. Is once every three or four weeks normal for a gay couple (late 30s) or is there a problem and what can be done?
Sex Less, Detroit, Mich.

Dear Sex Less,
When you want to enhance the sexual appetite of your partner, you’ve gotta trick him into getting hungry. So, after you first try periodically leaving him alone for a few days and then returning all fresh and new; taking a romantic vacation, even for just the weekend together; and turning the house into a love den with a romantic dinner, candles and music then try, joining a gym and looking too good to turn down; and, lastly, allowing yourselves to have that huge fight so after you can have make-up sex or what s been called the best sex we’ve ever had! Now, pumpkin, if all those don’t add up to a fuller plate of sex in a few months then get him drunk and on his knees, I mean get him to sit down and listen to your needs!

Dearest Trinity,
I have been going out with the same girl for three years, but she still doesn’t fulfill my expectations of her. Am I wrong to expect her to understand me?
Expecting More, St. Louis, Mo.

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Dearest Expecting More,
In most relationships someone is always fulfilling one desire while not fulfilling other desires. This is normal. Now to expect someone to keep their word, to be kind, understanding and to be as honest as they can be is very normal, healthy and smart. However, honey, to expect someone to predict your thoughts, remember your needs and fulfill your desires are for Stone Age relationships not modern ones. (My cartoon can be a tell-all for a history lesson, for sure!)

Hey Trinity,
I m 32 and dating a 23-year-old. My problem is not the age difference, but that he is still a virgin. Help?
Virgin Trap, Winston-Salem, N.C.

Hey Virgin Trap,
What you should not do is force sex, over emphasize his virginity status or push your own sexual desires. Yet, what you should do is have fun, be understanding and be very accepting of the gift that lies, I mean stands, before you. If you want to get him warmed up then, baby, be seductive, sweet and give it time, not two years, but have patience and wait it out a while. He may be a virgin, but he’s not 12.

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Hello Trinity,
Do you have any advice for someone who is thinking about having a threeway sexual experience?
One Blind Mouse, Brooklyn, N.Y.

Hello One Blind Mouse,
Since you already know that threeways can be wonderful as long as you’re all attracted to each other then, sweetie, here are:

Trinity’s Timely Tips For Having A Threeway
1. This is not the time to be in a hurry!
2. This is not the time to leave the windows open (if you plan on making noise).
3. This is not the time to have a single bed.
4. This is not the time to worry about stains on the sheets.
5. And, this is not the time to have strep throat, a cold sore or poison ivy.
6. This, however, is the time to turn on the fans or air conditioning.
7. This is the time to have plenty of lubrication, contraception and hand towels.
8. This is the time to practice smart and safe sex.
9. This is the time to make sure your roommates are passed out, the dogs are put out and there is background music to drown out the noise.
10. And, lastly, this is the time to practice unselfishness, attentiveness and multi-tasking.

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.
info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
Tell Trinity, 1617 Rue Champlain, Montreal, QC H2L2S5
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