20 Questions: Bruce Claus, NoPo

Bruce Claus doesn’t live in the Tar Heel state, but the “confirmed bachelor” says his work with the family business — an international manufacturing and distribution non-profit — brings him to the area at least once a year. His interests include decorating with gold and silver tinsel, faux fur fashion design and watching Christmas movie marathons on Lifetime. Bruce is very excited to be featured in our column, he says, because his older sibling gets most of the attention.

“My brother is the quintessential bear,” he explains. “He’s large and cuddly. Everybody loves him because he’s always jolly. But, then, why shouldn’t he be. If he was the one living in the frigid conditions back home with six percent body fat, things would be a little different, I dare say.” He quickly adds with a disarming elf-like grin, “Not that I’m bitter or anything.”

What’s your favorite Rankin/Bass Christmas special?

“Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer.” My dear friend Hermey is featured in this one. I definitely believe in supporting “family,” which is why he’s the only elf I ever let near my teeth.

Do you prefer live or artificial Christmas trees?

I prefer decorated Christmas trees.

What food do you most associate with your childhood?

Cookies and milk, which constituted a well-balanced meal at our house when I was a kid. Obviously, I eat low-carb now.

Can you fly around the world in a sleigh pulled by eight magic reindeer?

Yes, but why would I want to when I can fly to Sydney Mardi Gras on my Visa Black Card?

- - - advertisement - - -

What’s your most embarrassing Christmas moment?

When I was 15, we hosted the Snow Miser family for the weekend. Their oldest son Jack stayed with me in my room. One evening when we were called out for cocoa, my mom noticed a spurt of Jack’s frost in my hair.

How do these “Christmas” films rank based on the number of times you’ve seen them: “Die Hard,” “Gremlins,” “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang,” “Lethal Weapon”?

This is a hard one. Probably “Die Hard” first, then “Lethal Weapon” followed by “Gremlins.” Although I’ve seen “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” the least of these, I still love it. Val Kilmer’s belly in this film rivals my brother’s.

What type of underwear do you have on right now?

Andrew Christian briefs. White with green holly leaves and red berries.

Did you have a Lite-Brite as a child?

I grew up around the largest toy factory the world has ever known. I had everything as a child.

Do you eat gingerbread men?

I have no prejudices or hang-ups. I eat every kind of men.

What’s your favorite song by an openly gay artist?

It has to be “Last Christmas” by Fruitcake!…uh, I mean Wham! (i.e., George “the gay one” Michael and Andrew “straight? I thought he was the gay one” Ridgely).

Are you more likely to wash Christmas dinner dishes by hand or in the dishwisher?

I’m more likely to call the elves in to clear the table while I do 30 minutes on the stairmaster.

Which pro athlete is the epitome of male physical perfection?

- - - advertisement - - -

Openly gay ice skater Johnny Weir. He can triple-toe loop into my bed anytime.

What household chore have you been putting off for much too long?

Shoveling snow out of the driveway and the living room.

How many bumper stickers are on your car?

I don’t have a car. I did put a large “Coexist” sticker on the family sleigh a few months back.

Have you ever shaved off your pubic hair?

I keep my entire body smooth. The elves are magic with wax. They’re also great at eyebrow threading.

What is your favorite musical group with a female lead singer?

Emmet Otter’s Jug Band. I caught their act at Doc Bullfrog’s restaurant once and simply fell in love with Alice Otter’s voice.

Gum drops, sugar plums or candy canes?

I’ll take D, none of the above. Is it any wonder my entire family is obese — look at how we eat! This is why my meals come from Jenny Craig.

Would your ideal man ever wear flip flops?

My ideal man lives in flip flops — and sarongs. I’m looking for a polynesian god to take me away from all this.

Do you have any current magazine subscriptions?

I’m an avid reader of Men’s Fitness and go through each issue from cover-to-cover.

What’s your personal definition of a winter wonderland?

Spending two weeks in February in Acapulco with Matt Bomer. : :

- - - advertisement - - -

Posted by David Stout

David Stout is the associate editor of QNotes. He can be reached at editor2@goqnotes.com.