I haven’t talked to my ex in years, but just found out he’s ill. I’d like to forgive him and call but why should I forgive that f#@*in bastard when he was so awful to me?
Why Forgive, Indianapolis, Ind.
“Forgive but never forget,” say many Holocaust survivors, who also say, “If you let your enemies have the best of you then your enemies have truly won!” Sweet pumpkin, forgiveness doesn’t mean giving up, giving in or righting someone’s wrong; it means looking someone in the eye or in your mind’s eye and saying, “I start to release you!” Once you do this, whether it feels true for you or not, you suddenly begin a fantastic journey, a journey many spiritual teachers enlighten themselves with. Forgiving is about you, your emotional happiness and your mental freedom, not about some other bastard.
I’ve just started a long distance relationship. Help!
LDR, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
I’d like to say something comforting about long distance relationships, or LDRs, but at best they’re complicated, troublesome and often depressing, yet at least with the internet, video chats and cheap airline tickets, LDRs are not as bad as they were 30 years ago. So, honey, if you must have an LDR, get an internet connection, Skype and a cell phone with unlimited calls and texts. (Get the 411 in my cartoon for LDRs.)
How do you know when dating someone turns into having a relationship with someone?
Relationship Twist, New Orleans, La.
Hey Relationship Twist,
You’ll really know you’re in a relationship and not just dating when you a) both have a fight and still talk the next day; b) get asked to have the “Big Talk” which includes, “Are we exclusive?” or “exclusively open” (not so uncommon in gay relationships); and/or c) when your date gives you more headaches than heartbreaks. Oh, and darling, when you’re cohabitating together then you’re surely in a relationship or hiding from the law!
You talk a lot about psychotherapy. What’s so great about it? And, how do you know when you need it?
Therapeutic Doubts, Dallas, Texas
If you have to ask what is so great about self-exploration, self-acceptance and self-actualization then, baby, here are:
Trinity’s Rational Tips For Knowing When It’s Time To GRIP (Get Right Into Psychotherapy)
1. If you hate your job, your spouse, your body and your parents, then it’s GRIP time.
2. If you swear all money is evil, all air is dirty, all food is toxic and all people are unkind, then you may be paranoid and need to GRIP.
3. If your lover abuses you physically, emotionally and verbally and you think you deserve it, then GRIP.
4. If you always talk about what troubles you now, what troubled you in your past and what troubles you about the future then, time to GRIP.
5. If you won’t clean your house, your body or your clothes and you won’t talk to anyone who does, then GRIP.
6. If you’re a rageaholic, alcoholic, sexaholic and/or shopaholic, but explains, “At least I go to work each day!” you still need to GRIP.
7. If you haven’t dated in years, traveled in years, seen your family in years or left your house in years, then it’s time to GRIP.
8. If you have a deep need to kill your boss, your neighbor, your maid and/or your entire high school class, well, then GRIP.
9. If you’re about to turn 50 and still live with your parents, except that time you ran away for five months to Amarillo to be with Bobby-Jo, then it’s time to GRIP.
10. Lastly, if you dislike my writing, have distaste for my cartoons and won’t visit my website, well then, love, I may need to GRIP.
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.
info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
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