Getting out of getting caught

Tell Trinity

Hello Trinity,
I got caught shoplifting and after promising to never go in their store again they still want to press charges. How do I get them to drop the charges?
Shoplifters Troubles, Houston, TX

Hello Shoplifters Troubles,
Just remember, if you don’t pay in civil court, you’ll eventually pay in karma court. So, cut it out. Now, to get out of this mess, first, send flowers with a card requesting to be forgiven, second, send a food platter to their store with a card and third, ask the owner if you can do work in exchange for dropping the charges. Be persistent and humble! Pumpkin, you may have to blow some money, but maybe, just maybe, they’ll give you a second chance. And, if not, pay your fine, do your time and move on from this crime. I have and look at me!

Hey Trinity,
A few weeks back you did a top ten tips on how to know if you’re in love or lust. Do you really, honesty think there’s a big difference?
Love or Lust, Portland, OR

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Hey Love or Lust,
After I wrote that column I went for a long walk and noticed all the gorgeous-looking men in my hometown of Wilton Manors, Fla. What I’m rediscovering is that falling in lust often means falling in love, but love doesn’t always mean falling in lust. Thus, I think the similarities may be personal to each of us. So, darling, if you fall in love and think it’s lust or fall in lust and think it’s love, in the end don’t worry. It’s all just one big romantic fairytale! (I checked it out across a host of guys to figure it out. See how when you look at my cartoon.)

Dear Trinity,
I’m a drag queen and I’m not able to get my wigs to keep their shape for more than a few wearings, no matter how much hair spray I use. What should I do?
Wig Woes, Montreal, QC

Dear Wig Woes,
Using a lacquer spray instead of a hair spray can turn an unmanageable wig in an army helmet. Once sprayed with lacquer, it ‘s set for months or years. Also, sweetie, it will never be restyle-able, so buy a cheap wig. This product is available at art supply, hardware and Army warfare stores. Drag on!

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Dearest Trinity,
I’ve been going out with someone for quite a while and that person is thinking of moving in with me. I’m totally confused. Help!
Live In Lover, Atlanta, GA

Dearest Live In Lover,
Eventually we all meet someone, fall in love and want to try living with that person. It’s normal, but, honey, before you make that extra key here’s,

Trinity’s Sweet and Sour Tips For Living With Someone As A Couple
Sweet:

1. It’s cheaper to buy one king-size bed, pay one condo fee and fill one cobalt vase with a dozen long-stemmed roses.
2. There’s always someone to go to the grocery store, laundry mat and movies with.
3. No more wondering about where he or she might be or when you can snuggle up next to him or her again.
4. Someone’s always home to cook, give you a back massage or walk the Jack Russell terrier.
5. Sleeping alone, being lonely and having help paying off your student loan, will no longer be a problem!
Sour:

6. After you’ve worked years saving all your money, there’s now someone to help you spend it.
7. The unlimited privacy you once enjoyed for phone calls, emails and your own PO Box will ultimately be destroyed.
8. Just when you swore your own problems were handled, there’s now someone else’s whole new set of problems to tackle.
9. Now that you’re sure you’ve found your soulmate, he or she may just meet someone else, leave you broken hearted and/or sue for damages.
10. Lastly, you know what, I’m changing this to Trinity’s Reasons For Always And Forever Being Single! : :

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama performed globally and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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