Are rules of celibacy turning clergy into criminals?

Dear Trinity,
With everything that’s going on in the Catholic Church surrounding celibacy, is celibacy really practical in today’s oversexed society?
Celibate Thoughts, Montreal, Canada

Dear Celibate Thoughts,
Good question. Lets take ourselves to Boston, Mass., 2002 where we pick up the Boston Globe to find headlines uncovering an explosion of pedophilia charges against the Catholic Church’s supposedly celibate clergy. Immediately, millions and I wonder, “Is being sexless in a sexually-driven society really practical or even possible? Is celibacy too much to ask from even the holiest of men? And, is abstinence really that much ‘more’ spiritual or divine than being in a sexually-loving relationship?” Well, maybe celibacy was practical before MTV, Victoria’s Secret commercials, gay liberation and before Hollywood turned everything into a love story. But, honestly, sweetie, nowadays religious celibacy really isn’t that practical or possible.

Dearest Trinity,
I’ve taken your advice and started dating, a lot. But, still it seems like there’s no one out there for me. Am I destined to be single forever?
Dating Doubts, Berkeley, Calif.

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Dearest Dating Doubts,
When one is on the path of dating there are many people who trick with you, I mean, trick you and your self-esteem into giving up i.e., dating jerks, meeting uninterested people, getting frustrated or finding out that all the good ones are taken. But, you must keep trying. You must get past the tricks of disappointment. And you must keep your self-esteem high. Honey, quitting is for losers not for intelligent, assertive, adventurous beings. (Check out my cartoon to see how I handle this.)

Hello Trinity,
I’m dating a great guy except that he’s a major workaholic. And, he’s always traveling for work. Am I chasing a workhorse?
Date Chaser, Orlando, Fla.

Hello Date Chaser,
When the economy’s crashing, the stock market is up and down like a backroom party at a popular leather bar and finding a new job is like finding the perfect mate, some choose to hide in their work. Whether it’s right or wrong, your date is choosing to do it. This means, pumpkin, you need to talk to him to see if you can change his attitudes and broaden his philosophies on time, romance and life. If you can, great. If you can’t, then you may have to start chasing a different horse.

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Hey Trinity,
After five years I never thought I’d be asking, but how do I get my partner excited to sleep with me again. As time went on our sex life went off. Help!
Not Getting Much, Cheyenne, Wyo.

Hey Not Getting Much,
Today, most couples are overworked and over-stimulated which means that there’s a growing problem of things actually not growing, so, baby, to rectify the situation try:

Trinity’s Hot Tips For Putting The Sex Back Into Your Relationship
1. Attractiveness and desirability will get you more attention and make him or her crave you more. It’s that simple.
2. Early to bed means you’ll have more time in bed.
3. Afternoons on Saturday and Sunday is when you both should be just getting up.
4. Leave for a few days and then return. Absence makes everything grow firmer, I mean fonder.
5. Sexify the house and the bedroom with candles, music and maybe a fire when he or she comes home.
6. Bedrooms are for love-making and sleeping, not therapy sessions.
7. Get away together to someplace more romantic than your boring old house.
8. Spice up the romance by inventing new games, bringing home new toys and showing off your new naughty undergarments.
9. Cellphones have their place and they also have off buttons. Don’t let it control your fun.
10. Lastly, trick him or her into getting in the mood with two of life’s most natural aphrodisiacs: wine followed by a massage. It always works for me.

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.
info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
Tell Trinity, P.O. Box 23861 . Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33307
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800-637-8696 . www.ptown.org

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