I love him, I love him not

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
For the past two months, I’ve been dating two men whom I really like. One is fun and exciting, the other quiet and charming. I can’t decide which one to keep! What do you think?
Three’s Company, Philadelphia, PA

Dear Three’s Company,
I say, yes, live dangerously, but not for too long unless you enjoy heartbreaking blood baths! If you’re a quiet, introverted type, then take Mr. Fun & Exciting. If you’re a socialite who’s out till dawn, then go with Mr. Quiet & Charming. Opposites make life more challenging and interesting. People who have too much in common get bored easier. Now, pumpkin, even if they both really like you, one must get burned, that’s life. So, remember, the longer you wait, the deeper the burn.

To Trinity,
My partner of seven years and I are having major sexual troubles. I’m going to ask him to try a threesome. I think this will bring the spark back into our relationship. Could this help?
Sparky, Seattle, WA

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tt_386_081613To Sparky,
First, I must ask, have you tried couples counseling and creating more romantic experiences, especially in the bedroom, i.e., candles, music, a fireman’s uniform? And, if you answered yes, then yes, a threesome may bring the spark back home. However, make sure you are both attracted to the third. Hiring someone, i.e., www.rentboy.com, may be safer than picking someone up on Craigslist. This way, baby, it’s all business rather than attracting a third problem, I mean partner! Good luck. (There’s always trade-offs. Check out my cartoon for a tip on how I deal with it.)

Dearest Miss Trinity,
For the last few weeks, I’ve been having dreams in which I die. Each time I die differently. I’m scared! I’m about to make out a will. What might this mean?
Nightmare, Houston, TX

Dearest Nightmare,
Jeremy Taylor, the expert on dreams has many books out, but you’re in luck ‘cause I studied with Jeremy in California while getting my Masters of Divinity. According to Jeremy, dying in dreams does not mean real life dying, it means change, transition, a deep fear having to be faced, a life-changing experience coming before you. Your subconscious processes differently than your conscious, thus dying in a dream makes it easier for you to face a fear that you may not be able to face consciously. Now, darling, on a different note, make out a will anyway, you should always have a will! Dream fearlessly.

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Hey Trinity,
I just moved to D.C. and I am going to my first gay party ever. I’m scared.
First Timer, Washington DC

Hey First Timer,
Parties and group situations are challenging, I don’t care what Paris Hilton says. So, honey, grab a dirty martini and start reading:

Trinity’s Winning Tips For Behaving At A Party
1. When at a party, you must act differently than you would at a funeral or a political rally!
2. Don’t arrive empty handed. Always bring, at least, a box of cookies!
3. Dressing up for a party is not the same as dressing down to take out the trash.
4. When you’ve had too much to drink, shut up and go for a walk! Please!
5. You need not pretend to be the life of the party, but you need to pretend you’re partially alive.
6. If you’re out to get your sexual needs met, you need not let everyone know this fact!
7. When I’m nervous, I pick up a food platter and start serving. In minutes I know everyone!
8. If you need to comment negatively on everyone, then you also need to be beaten to a pulp!
9. Drinking too much and driving is like, drinking too much and driving! Dah!
10. The difference between group therapy and a party is, in therapy you tell everyone your problems and expect them to listen and at a party you tell everyone your problems and expect them to walk away.

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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