Does a 30-year-old virgin need counseling?

Tell Trinity

Hey Trinity,
At 14, I suffered from a colonic disease and had a colonic bag attached to my side. Now, at 30, I’m still a virgin. I recently decided to explore dating ads and websites, but I’m still very nervous. So, I’ve decided to go to counseling and was wondering if you think counseling is a good idea?
Thirty And Ready, Oklahoma City, OK

Hey Ready,
Everyone should try counseling at least once in his or her life. With counseling, you get support, education, compassion, insight into your fears and you get some great second opinions. Most importantly, counseling teaches socialization skills and techniques you need to bring you emotionally, physically and sexually up to speed with your sexual issues. So, sweetie, don’t waste any more time doing it alone, I mean, being a virgin alone, I mean, well you know what I mean.

Dear Trinity,
Sometimes life has too many apples to choose from. How do I know if I’m choosing the right or wrong apple? Is there any special secret about good decision-making?
The Good/Bad Apple, Atlanta, GA

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tt_388_091313Dear Apple,
As with Adam and Eve, you have to a) decide whether to taste the apple and then b) how to deal with the outcome of your decision. Either way, you always have to do something so that something happens. Yet, for all your wrong decisions, think about how many great decisions will come from them. And, remember, darling, don’t waste time wasting time in the garden of good or evil. (Take a taste of my apple, oh, cartoon to see how I serve it up.)

Hello Trinity,
I’m in love with my best friend. He also has feelings for me. What should we do about it without ruining our friendship?
Friends or Foe, Panama City, FL

Hello F F,
This dilemma is as common as wanting to touch a stove to see if you’ll get burned. Some people are willing to get burned and some are boring, I mean, afraid or practical and don’t like to take risks. I say, never be afraid and when all else fails, ditch your fears and follow your intuition. Now, honey pie, if someone doesn’t try something soon, no one will even get hot, never mind burned!

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Dearest Trinity,
My girlfriend always gets on my case about saying the wrong thing when she says I “should have said nothing!” How does one know when to say nothing?
Tongue Tied, Memphis, TN

Dearest Tied,
In life, there are definitely times to shut up, stay silent and/or simply say “nothing.” But, pumpkin, if you haven’t learned about these special times, how could you know? So, here are:

Trinity’s Unforgettable Tips For When To: “Say Nothing” (SN)
1. When you catch your nephew masturbating in a dark closet, SN.
2. When your very drunk lover slips you a few hundred bucks cause, “I (burp) luv ya,” SN.
3. When you and your partner have a big fight and she says, “I need a few minutes,” besides saying, “no problem,” also SN.
4. When the cop says, “If you say another word you’re under arrest,” SN.
5. When your best friend’s mother dies and he’s uncontrollably crying in your arms, let him cry, rub his head and SN.
6. When you’re secretly given free food, admission and/or drinks by the flirtatious host, besides, “thank you,” SN.
7. When the medical marijuana clinic gives you two bags for the price of one, SN.
8. When your very old and wealthy grandmother, at the restaurant table, begins stuffing her purse with sugar packets, bread, butter and maybe a fork, SN.
9. When your boyfriend spills his guts about what’s not working in the relationship, let him talk and SN till he’s done.
10. When the man of your dreams suddenly plasters a wet kiss on your lips then says, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else!” SN.

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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