Before I go on a second date with someone I really like, I thought I’d ask, what should a second date be all about?
Second Thoughts, Memphis, Tenn.
Dearest Second Thoughts,
A second date is like…(no that won’t work). Second dates are to roses as…(no that’s too flowery). Ah, yes, a second date is just a damn second date, nothing more! It’s not an appointment with the wedding planner, the real estate agent or God. So, pumpkin, have fun and be your positive, upbeat, trouble-free self. Don’t be hypnotized by looks and charm. And, please, let your date spill his or her guts first.
I just started dating someone whom I know is not for me, but, he’s so attached to me! How do I dump him?
Dumping Needs, Atlanta, Ga.
Dear Dumping Needs,
While being honest often works, there’s always one psycho-spoiled “me and my feelings” date who isn’t ready to hear that you don’t want to suffer through anymore stories of his addictions, family, fetish and past exes. Sometimes you need something potent and powerful that gets him running away. So, darling, if after you say, “I’m madly in love with you and want to move in tomorrow!” and he’s still not speeding away, then go for the gold with, “I’m a straight (or gay) Republican!” (My cartoon shows you how I handle this very thing.)
I love my boyfriend of two years, but he takes lots of drugs and acts like a fool. Not to mention, we haven’t had sex in months. I feel responsible, but I don’t love him this way and he won’t change. Help!
Drugs And Love, Boston, Mass.
Hey Drugs And Love,
Wow! Two years in love, how great… but drugs, no sex and “he won’t change?” Listen, say you fell in love with a beautiful home in Kansas and moved in not realizing (because love is blind) that you’re now in tornado country. Then you see a tornado. Should you feel responsible for the tornado and ride it out or should you get out before you get really hurt? Yes, he’s your boyfriend, but he’s not your responsibility and you’re not responsible for his “twisted” life. Honey, when you’re
dealing with drugs, you’re dealing with a tornado and you must protect yourself. If he won’t get help, protect yourself and get out. In other words “Dorothy,” don’t waste time dreaming of ruby slippers to appear when, in reality, they’ve been sold for drugs.
I try, but I mess up when it comes to boundaries, good boundaries. Now, I’m at a loss for words and I’m being completely ignored by my lover.
Boundaries Without Boarders, Baltimore, Md.
Hello Boundaries Without Boarders,
To save your butt one last time memorize:
Trinity’s Loyal Tips For Boundaries You Should Never Cross
1. Never flirt with your spouse’s best friend, sister or boss behind his or her back. It always backfires.
2. Never talk about the awful sex you both are having in front of friends, coworkers and especially his parents.
3. Never borrow your girlfriend’s car, money, jewelry or diary without asking.
4. Never euthanize the pet of your friend, relative or lover without complete permission.
5. Never bring up during a fight something that’s been “put to rest,” such as cheating or lying.
6. Never bounce a check, especially on a friend, relative or the person sleeping next to you every night.
7. Never, boast about you or your lover’s money especially at family reunions.
8. Never throw out your roommate’s favorite old shirt, shorts, shoes or tacky college posters without making a therapists appointment first.
9. Never, insult your in-laws to their face or to their ears. They never forget.
10. Lastly, never bite the hand that feeds you, makes you feel sexy or helps makes your rent payments.
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.
info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
Tell Trinity, P.O. Box 23861 . Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33307
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