My boyfriend of several months insists on staying at my place. I don’t mind, but he refuses to let me see his home, claiming the family he lives with are total slobs. I respect his wishes, but I have a difficult time trusting someone so secretive. Am I being obsessive or scammed?
Secrets, Pasadena, CA
If you have to, insist on seeing where he lives! It’s been a few months, you’re allowed! And, if he still refuses, start making mental notes of odd activities and do a little investigating, like visiting his work to make sure he’s for real. Everyone has secrets, honey, especially adults. Don’t get too obsessive, but do follow your intuition with a bit of investigating! Good luck.
I’ve been dating a few guys at once. There’s nothing wrong with it, is there?
Powerdating, Hoboken, NJ
“Powerdating” — dating many people at once— is as smart as shopping for the best-priced diamond. There’s not only nothing wrong with it, sweetie, but I say, “You go girl/boy! Knowing how to date is way smarter than not dating or dating one loser at a time! (I might have done this once or twice (or more!) in my lifetime. Check out the cartoon to see how.)
I went to the bar and met the greatest guy who charmed me for hours. He gave me his number and insisted on talking in a couple days. Great, right? Well I’ve called three times in a week and nothing. Is it me, him, the bar or just bad Karma?
Bar Karma, Ft Lauderdale, FL
Hey Bar Karma,
Yes it’s you, him, the bar and just bad karma. I know you want one right answer, but it’s many answers. Remember the four rules for meeting someone at the bar: 1) bar dates are rarely taken serious, 2) after the drinks wear off he/she may not remember you, 3) bar flies love to charm and sting and, lastly, yes, baby, 4) sometimes the stars are just not in your favor! PS. Are you sure you have his right number? Better luck next time.
I vowed never to date a smoker again, but how do I do it this time without sounding like a certified complainer?
Nonsmoker’s Hell, Columbus, OH
Dearest Nonsmoker’s Hell,
Nonsmokers who date smokers eventually end up certified complainers. That’s why, pumpkin, you must start this relationship sharing:
Trinity’s “Never To Do” Tips For Dating A Nonsmoker
1. Never smoke in the house. The smell of smoke and lack of oxygen are as torturous to a nonsmoker as being eaten by an alligator, slowly.
2. Never smoke in the car, even if it’s a convertible. Nothing’s worse than a romantic wind blowing through your hair while gasping for air.
3. Never smoke in a restaurant ,because you’ll both have to sit in the smoking (to death) section, plus smoke, ashtrays and food are a gross combination.
4. Never let it sit in the ashtray. Even if someone says, “It doesn’t bother me” It does! Keep the ashtray far away, hold it and blow it far away as well.
5. Never assume your breath is OK. If you smoke, it stinks, period. After every cigarette swallow a mint and wash your smelly hands.
6. Never just brush your teeth. After every cigarette (if you’re home) brush your teeth, tongue and upper palate.
7. Never assume three’s company and two’s a crowd. Bringing a cigarette on a date is like bringing a third person along!
8. Never let the outdoors fool you. Smoke is attracted to nonsmokers. So, smoke far away from them. (Trick: incense disguises smoke.)
9. Never assume only smokers get moody. Just like smokers get moody when they can’t smoke, nonsmokers can get moody when they can’t breathe.
10. Lastly, never take a nonsmoker to a smoking party without a nonsmoking area. Being trapped in a group of smokers is no different than being trapped… in hell. : :
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.