Hey Trinity,
Why do so many gay men use the pronouns she and he so interchangeably, for example: “I love Mike. She decorates fabulously. He also cooks well. I just love her bubble butt too.” Why, why, why?
Profoundly Pronouned, Lincoln, NE

Hey Pronouned,
Long ago when gay men where camping it up in secret underground gathering spots, they needed a secret language that concealed their closeted/subversive lives, thus, they started using “she” to disguise the “he” that lived in their hearts. And, it has stuck ever since. This is less used in languages that use male/female genders like French and Spanish. So, sweetie, as for sister, girlfriend and/or Mary, learn to love it. Oh, and if any of my readers have a more historically correct answer, send it to me and I’ll send you a present.

Dearest Trinity,
I recently entered a talent/pageant contest, but quickly found out that it had its own underlying rules and games that dictated who had a chance to win or not. Don’t you think pageants are outdated and meaningless?
Pageant Proclamations, Savannah, GA

tt_400_022814Dearest P.P.,
Pageants have been around since before nylons and Bob Mackie serving some sort of ancient sexually frustrated/male domination moray. Today, it just continues to make some of us feel great, while leaving the rest of us wondering, “who am I?” However, it is how Christina Aguilera started. In the end, one person feels great and everyone else just ends up needing years of therapy. But, honey, we all know (including yourself) that life’s a game and self-acceptance is the greatest prize of all. (I figured how to handle this dilemma, so check out my cartoon to find out how.)

Hello Trinity
My roommate also friend wants to date my ex. I’m OK with it, but is this going to cause trouble for me and my roommate?
Roommate Drama, New Hope, PA

Hello Roommate Drama,
Will having your ex dating, running around naked and/or fighting with your roommate cause trouble for you? Ah…give me a second while I…throw up! Yes! Of course! Absolutely! But, babe, if your roommate has the nerve to do it anyway, then tell your roommate to keep the dog outside!

Dear Trinity,
I want to ask the love of my life to marry me. Any special ideas?
Impractical Proposals, San Francisco, CA

Dear Impractical,
In my life, I’ve had some wonderful proposals. One day maybe one will stick long enough to pay the rent. So, pumpkin, with that here are:

Trinity’s Impractical Tips For Romantic Proposals
1. A horse and buggy ride in the park at sunset ending at a small quartet playing your favorite song.
2. A helicopter ride over the beach where in the sand you have had someone write, “Will you marry me Shawn?”
3. On a white horse, in a knight’s uniform, go to his/her workplace and present a scroll that says, “The King (or Queen) orders you to marry me.”
4. Have a TV or radio station make you a proposal “jingle” and have it run as a commercial several times on his/her favorite station.
5. While sitting in a romantic place, hire a group of costumed characters to present your proposal.
6. Kidnap (kindly) him/her with prepacked luggage and drive upstate to a quaint resort village to propose.
7. Rent a billboard located on his/her way to work that says, “Jean, marry me or else! Tracey”
8. While tied up in their favorite S&M position, a band of fetish slaves enters the dungeon to make the proposal! Just kidding…sort of!
9. You’re supposedly going to a big party on the 50th floor, but when the elevator opens it’s just a waiter, wine, musicians and a table for two.
10. Lastly, try going on a very romantic cruise ship, air balloon ride and/or hiring some people to make it impractical and memorable.

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.