Get married first! Live together! Help!

Tell Trinity

Hey Trinity,
My boyfriend wants to live together first before getting married. I was raised differently. Should people live together before marriage?
Marriage Tryouts, New Haven, Conn.

Hey Marriage Tryouts,
Unless your parents are generously wealthy and religious and bribing you to marry first, why not start by living together? Gay couples in most states are not allowed to marry, yet live together with lots of success. It gives great insight into what you’ll be fearing, I mean facing. Honey, in the days before Woodstock and free love, couples were expected to marry first. Now, the opposite is not only acceptable, it’s respectable. Before I say, “I do,” I always try living together first just to make sure I’m not getting an over-sexed musclehead. Hey, that doesn’t sound so bad!

Dearest Trinity,
After five years together he moved out. I’m trying to move on with my life, but everything I own has memories of our relationship. We even share friends. Any ideas on moving on?
Forward March, Columbus, Ohio

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Dearest Forward March,
Moving on after a relationship of any amount of time and emotional value takes weeks, months, sometimes even a year or more (if you’re crazy). Moving on takes endurance, self-esteem and most importantly, sweetie, it takes removing all memorable items from your life together. It also takes finding new friends or connecting with old (pre-war relationship) ones. Being single, then a couple then back to single again is like being Miss Scarlet then Mrs. Scarlet O’Hara-Butler then just Miss O’Hara alone, with a whole plantation to care for. (Check out my cartoon and see how to grab a handful of dirt from Tara and dig in, oh, I mean, move on.)

Dear Trinity,
I just started dating someone who’s into leather and uniforms. I’m not “vanilla,” but I’m really not into all that stuff. Do you think this could work out or am I wasting my time dealing with someone else’s fetishes?
Yours, Fetish Foes, Chicago, Ill.

Dear FF,
Doesn’t it seem like everyone’s either into something, getting out of something or getting handcuffed to something? Now, just before you say “no” to cottons, leathers or polyesters, I must tie you down to a few questions. First, could you try being open to his or her desires if it was just once in a while, knowing that everyone has some “thing” wild about themselves and most people only practice their wild side once in a while? Second, could he or she be allowed to have a “fetish” while you’d be allowed to not have one? Besides opposites do slap, I mean attract. And, lastly, darling, are you a fool for not wanting to date a cop, soldier, sailor and/or cowboy all rolled into one?

Hello Trinity,
My boyfriend drives too fast. We fight about it all the time. Do you have any witty suggestions to get him to slow down?
Thanks, Driving Hell, Portland, Ore.

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Hello Driving Hell,
Besides reading a book or laying down in the backseat while he drives, you may also want to take your own car. Otherwise, pumpkin, try reading him:

Trinity’s Speedy Tips For Knowing When You’re Driving Too Fast (You’re on the highway and…)
1. Everyone appears to be driving real slow.
2. The passengers in your car are shaking and crying.
3. People are waving at you to slow down.
4. You’ve changed lanes over five times in the last minute.
5. You can see the hairs on the back of the neck of the driver ahead.
6. Your heart’s racing, your palms are sweating and you’re punching the dashboard screaming, “Move it! Move it!”
7. You’re passengers are on their cell phones with their next of kin saying goodbye.
8. There are four cop cars behind you with their sirens on.
9. Everyone in front of you is pulling over so you can pass.
10. Lastly, your passengers are ripping the airbags out of the dashboard.

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
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