It’s been over a year since I came out. I now have many gay friends, but it really bothers me that so many of them live alone, are looking for love and confess their fears about never being able to find a companion. Is this my gay future too?
My Gay Future, Charlotte, NC
Dear My Gay Future,
Yes, many gays (and straights) are single, lonely and looking for love in all the wrong hook up apps. And, yes, many gays have low self-esteem, are hard to please and/or just don’t want to take the time to get to know someone who doesn’t fit their porn fantasy. However, there are the other gays who are turning off their cellphones, raising their self-esteem and going to coffee shops, private parties and joining social, intellectual, athletic or religious groups. These gays are pushing themselves to meet new people and try new ways of celebrating their gay life. Honey, you may have to find some “new” positive-minded friends who know that being gay is the greatest gift someone could have. As Helen Keller said (or signed) “Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing.”
I went on a first date and thought everything went great. I told him a lot about myself, even the bad things. I think being honest is best and he did seem interested. But, I never heard from him again. What did I do wrong?
First Ditched Date, Ottawa, ON
Maybe he moved to Alaska. Maybe he was thrown in prison. Or, maybe you told him so much about yourself that he was scared off or left with nothing to keep his interest for a second date. Pumpkin, a first date is not a time to dump your troubles, read your police record or make someone feel like they’re watching an A&E biography special. It’s a time to let someone get to know a bit about you. Keep trying! (There’s really such thing as “TMI” and my cartoon shows you how this plays out. You aren’t being interrogated. Be selective on how much and when you do “share.”)
When it comes to pick up tactics, I’m always failing. Help!
Pick Me, Plymouth, MA
Hello Pick Me,
If you want to pick someone up, look and smell good, be at ease and open minded and, sweetie, please read:
Trinity’s “Wake Up And Smell The Coffee” Tips For Bad Pickup Maneuvers
1. The Funnyless Fall: Trying to be funny by falling into, pushing or slapping the behind of someone you want to pick up is not funny!
2. The Drunken Approach: Getting drunk so you can become “fearless” only makes you feared by others. Have a drink or two — that’s enough.
3. The Political Approach: Yes, everyone likes to talk about politics and we all hate the Tea Party, but try talking about something less upsetting.
4. The Push Myself On You Approach: Being pushy and aggressive only works in porn or Quentin Tarentino films, otherwise learn to accept “No!”
5. The Never Stop Talking Approach: Being interesting and provocative is great, but if you’re not hearing much from your counterpart, shut up and take a walk.
6. The Never Stop Telling (Bad) Jokes Approach: Being funny and fun is a great gift, but telling more than four jokes per hour is in itself a bad joke!
7. The Desperate For Love Approach: If you must use pity or misfortune to get a date, then get out of the singles scene and join a monastery!
8. The Listen To How Fabulous I Am Approach: Yes, everyone is glad you’re rich, successful or famous, but you’re out to get dates, not start a fan club.
9. The Silent Approach: Being a good listener is a wonderful trait, but having nothing to say does not make you good bait!
10. Lastly, The Negative Approach: Yes, sometimes pointing out people’s misfortunes will make you look more fortunate, but after 14-years-of-age it stops working!
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.