I’ve always been promiscuous, but now I have a boyfriend whom I love. However, I’m having a much harder time with monogamy than I thought. I’m only 23 and it’s only been three months. What can I do?
Endless Appetite, Detroit, MI
Dearest Endless Appetite,
Needing sex outside a relationship comes from three things: feelings of being too tied down, feelings of not being in the right relationship or feelings of just not being the type to be mo-mo-monogamous (it’s a hard word even for me)! So, for now, allow yourself to quietly look at others, while making more “play dates” with your boyfriend. If after two-months time you still need “more,” then you’ll have to do one of three things: a) get permission to play around, b) accept that this relationship may not be what you need or c) end this relationship and go “play” until you truly want monogamy. Honey, learning about yourself while learning responsibility and balancing both is what life’s all about!
I’ve been told my whole life that the church hates me for being gay. Does God really hate me?
Not So Chosen, Charleston, SC
Dear Not So…,
On the contrary! After years of theology training, I can truly say that not every church speaks clearly or honestly on the unconditional love God had in mind. Not only is being gay God’s will and gift, but, pumpkin, it’s also His/Her way of making the world a perfect place! (See what I’m talking about when you gain insight after looking at my cartoon.)
I’m young and interested in how gay men ended up looking like we do today? Can I have a short gay history lesson?
Gay His-Story 101, Sacramento, CA
Hello Gay His-Story 101,
Forty-five years ago, when Judy Garland died and a drag queen at the Stonewall Bar, NYC said, “Get off my back!”, the perfect gay man was skinny, mustached, wore bell-bottoms and had long hair. Thirty-two plus years ago the AIDS virus emerged and gay men started hitting the gym, using hair gel and pushed their way into tighter jeans, cowboy boots and tank tops. Ten year later, gay men began embracing long-term relationships (hey, someone had to pay the condo fees) and at that time they cut their hair short, took to looser fitting jeans and three-piece suits. Today, darling, if you can get a gay man off the chat rooms and pull the steroid needle out of his butt, you’ll find him commonly wearing almost anything depending on the type of “bear,” “twinkie” or “muscle” (gay) bar he frequents. His hair is back to being long or shaved and he’s wearing tighter jeans again just like he did 30 years earlier. That’s fashion!
My lover of three years recently broke up with me. I thought I was doing well, but after four months I’m still fighting depression! Help?
Trying To Move On, Kansas City, MO
Dear Trying to Move On,
Splash some water on your face and start practicing:
Trinity’s Sobering Tips For After You’ve Been Dumped
1. Hunt him down and make him suffer eternally. Just kidding!
2. Get support from a close friend, talk show host or a professional counselor.
3. Start dating ASAP! Sweetie, get back on that horse now!
4. Exercise, diet, sleep and eating dark chocolate are the four rules for beating desperation, I mean depression.
5. Stop playing our favorite song, visiting our favorite restaurant or playing the messages just to hear his voice.
6. Keep busy with projects, work or social activities. Time heals!
7. Stalking, revenge, punishment or meaningless lawsuits only make things wonderful, I mean worse!
8. You choose many of your thoughts. Choose not to think about it!
9. Take a fabulous vacation, have an expensive makeover, be naughty and have fun!
10. Lastly, remember some people are born selfish, sour, sex-hungry animals. Surprise!
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.