Honey, cream isn’t just for coffee

Tell Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
I’m not unattractive, but I sometimes go out and never get noticed. How do I get someone to notice me? Is there a recipe?
Seduction, Ottawa, ON

Dearest Seduction,
If iceberg lettuce can get noticed, so can you. The recipe starts by a) keeping your attitude high and b) pulling out your credit card. Hire a trainer, purchase a few new accentuating outfits and invest in some No(#) 7 men’s skin care products by Boots. Honey, cream isn’t just for coffee anymore! Then make your friends tell you everything you’re doing wrong and start working on it immediately. Getting noticed means inner confidence, outer style and a willingness to take risks!

Hey Trinity,
I have to go to court, but I can barely afford a lawyer. I’m afraid if I go alone I’ll lose the trial or maybe even end up in jail. Any suggestions?
Court Caught, Albany, NY

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Dear Trinity,
I’ve been living with my boyfriend for a few months, but just after I moved in, he became uncontrollably possessive and jealous. I’ve decided to run away. Help?
Trapped, Santa Fe, NM

Dear Trapped,
If you’ve already tried hours of therapy and taking a mini vacation from each other, then OK it’s time to plan an escape by a) saving money, b) making smart arrangements and c) finding the perfect time to flee. Go to family or friends in another city. Don’t leave credit card, telephone or Facebook trails behind, but do leave a note so you’re not reported as missing. Be clean, smart and swift, and remember, darling, Trinity had nothing to do with this!

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Hello Trinity,
Finally, my lover and I are moving in together. Any advice?
Moving In, Oklahoma City, OK

Hello Moving In,
First, don’t read the question above. Second, dating and loving someone is very different than living with someone and realizing they need a maid. So, baby, here are:

Trinity’s Church Bell (Ringing) Tips For Couples About To Move In Together
1. Meeting someone, dating and moving in three weeks later is like buying a phony drivers license, practicing a few weeks and then starting a racing career. Take your time!
2. Two people with no money, no furniture and no supportive parents, even with a great sex life, spells t-r-o-u-b-l-e!
3. Having some money, counseling and experience with selfish children makes living with a man a lot easier.
4. Yes you’re in love, but moving across country to find out you hate her friends, house, six cats and her snoring means you should’ve visited first!
5. Love is blind. Love makes you blind. Love is blinding. Get the picture! Let the fog of love lift before uplifting your entire life!
6. Waiting a month to a year and until your first big fight means you’ll know a lot more about someone than you ever imagined!
7. Remember, moving in with someone means cleaning, cooking, being responsible to and taking on the emotional, mental and monetary troubles of the one you “love.”
8. If the new apartment has a spare room to call “his own” then this is worth a million fights over needing, “time alone!”
9. Staying at each other’s places and taking a long vacation together first is great practice.
10. Lastly, getting rid of some of your junk, i.e., the Liberace wardrobe, the library of Congress and the Amelda Marco shoe collection leaves more “room” to grow as a couple.
P.S. And if you’re still unsure try it anyway. Taking risks is what life’s about! : :

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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