Can we be lovers if we’re not making love?

Tell Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
Six weeks ago I met someone, but after the second week the sex stopped. We’re still very affectionate, but “health issues and medicine” makes him “unsexual” so he says. Now, I’m going sexually insane! I’m not ready for celibacy, but finding a great guy like him is tough. Can we be lovers if were not making love?
Celibately Insane, Louisville, KY

Dearest Celibately Insane,
I want to say sex is not everything, love and companionship is. And, I want to say that dating is hard, so if you meet someone you like, do everything to make it work, even give up sex. But, pumpkin, I can’t say that. Sex is a wonderful and exciting part of life, nature and love. I’m afraid you’re both destined for a great friendship, not a great love affair. If you really need sex, then sooner or later you’re gonna have to find a sexual boyfriend. Hey, you’ve made a great friend and sometimes that’s better than a great lover…I think!

- - - advertisement - - -

Dear Trinity,
I chatted with someone on line and really got hooked into meeting him. He looked hot, but when we met he obviously altered his photos. He was almost 10 years older and 30 pounds fatter than his pix! I cut our date short and haven’t returned his emails or phone calls. How do I get out politely even though I’m mad?
InterNuts, Omaha, NB

tt_417_102414Dear InterNuts,
Fools, I mean people on the net, for some alien reason feel like they’re beyond reality, free to be dishonest (or overly honest) even more than they’ve ever been in their entire life. People will also do anything for love! Plus, Photoshop could make Mr. Potatohead look like a porn star. So, email him “not interested,” crawl off the web and start going out again. It’s much more real! Honey, the internet’s a trap! Why do you think they call it the net and/or the web! (Weeding out the good ones sure can be hard to do with internet chatting or dating as you can see in my cartoon.)

Hello Trinity,
My lover and I are about to get married. I know it sounds crazy, but do you have any vows or declarations two people might read at or before their ceremony?
About To Leap, Burlington, VT

- - - advertisement - - -

Hello About To Leap,
As a minister, I always think it’s best to make your own declarations, but to get you started I’ve written:

Trinity’s Tough Declarations For Being Married, Partnered Or In A Committed Relationship
1. Commitment: I promise not to sleep with, search the internet or have any type of sex with anyone other than my spouse. (Yes, you can say it.)
2. Clarity: I promise not to threaten to divorce every time we have an issue, problem, fight or when his or her mother gets too involved.
3. Resiliency: I promise never to get too comfortable just because I have a signed contract, thus I promise to continually foster a sound, healthy and lasting relationship.
4. Compromise: I promise to compromise by persistently trying new things while being open to new ideas that will make me a better partner and person, intellectually, emotionally and sexually!
5. Intrigue: I promise to push myself toward always being interesting, exciting, upbeat and fun!
6. Romance: I promise to be affectionate, charming, charitable and romantic, as well as help with the chores.
7. Control: I promise never to get too controlling, jealous, insecure or smothering. (You’re married, not a slave owner in the 1700’s!)
8. Communication: I promise to communicate my feelings, as well as be a great listener, yet keep some personal problems to myself so to not burden the relationship.
9. Change: I promise to work on bad habits, alter lazy attitudes, work on deep-down issues and not make my partner my therapist!
10. Lastly, Responsibility: I promise to take responsibility for my actions, not blame anyone for being themselves and compromise…till it kills me!

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

- - - advertisement - - -