Hello Trinity,
Someone I’m dating and really love has tendencies to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. It’s not only embarrassing, it shows a lack of character in both of us. How do I teach boundaries to someone who has no clue?
BoundQueries, Minneapolis, Minn.

Hello BoundQueries,
Boundaries are something we acquire with time, education, wisdom and common sense. And, when it comes to boundaries, I (at least) try these four golden rules: 1) keep unkind words short; 2) keep kind words sincere; 3) keep your mouth shut around strangers; and, darling lastly, 4) only speak well of the dead. Bett Davis once said, “I only speak good of the dead. Joan Crawford is dead. Good!”

Hey Trinity,
Why are straight men so straight? Don’t you think if straight men hung around gay men they would learn a thing or two about politeness, culture and even decorating?
Straight Thoughts, New Orleans, La.

Hey Straight Thoughts,
If straight men hung around gay men they would definitely learn a lot about many things and visa versa. But as far as teaching straight men art and/or decorating, sweetie, I don’t know if you can teach a lion the esoteric importance of lighting! (My cartoon shows this for sure.)

Dearest Trinity,
I have no trouble with dating, but I think waiting for someone special is the right way to meet someone. Forced dating seems so fake. Am I alone in this thought?
Date-O-Wait, Seattle, Wash.

Dearest Date-O-Wait,
It has been said that if you work hard for what you want, you should get what you wish …eventually, hopefully. Well anyway, the key word is work! When it comes to dating, meeting someone or even life itself you really are better off working towards your dreams and desires rather than sitting and hoping and just growing old. Sweetie, it’s good to be patient, but try acting like a busy patient!

Hello Trinity,
How do you know when you have a healthy sex life versus when you’re overly promiscuous?
PromisCurious, Nashville, Tenn.

Hello PromisCurious,
That question not only deserves one answer but at least 10:

Trinity’s Sleazy Tips For Knowing If You’re A PIG (Promiscuous Indiscriminate Gorilla)
1. When you have multiple sex partners, multiple times a week and you don’t get paid for it, PIG!
2. So, you have syphilis again, no problem. But, when you have sex while taking penicillin, PIG!
3. When your glands are swollen from overuse and you have no jewelry to show for it, PIG!
4. Staying out late, cruising for whatever and sleeping with whomever does not make you a total PIG unless you’re an insatiable PIG!
5. If you try to keep a lover and can’t, but still need sex and sleep around to fulfill your needs, then you’re a practical PIG!
6. PIGs are not bad, wrong or dirty for being PIGs unless, of course, you boast, are unkind or never grow out of being a PIG!
7. You’re not a PIG for having sex 20 different times a year, but when it all occurs in the same month then you’re, PIG Of The Month!
8. So, you keep in contact with and genuinely love your many sexual partners, still a PIG!
9. Sex a few times a week is normal, every other day, extremely healthy. But, if you’re not trying to stick with the same mate, PIG!
10. Lastly, when you can’t remember who, where, why or how many, then you’re not only a PIG but you have a big PIG problem!

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

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