I’ve always just avoided people I don’t want to see after a few dates, but this time we work together. Help?
Employee Relations, Roanoke, VA
Dear Employee Relations,
When I was young, learning about integrity, I also used to just stop calling, disappear or completely avoid someone I didn’t want to see anymore. Then poof — I grew up and started acting responsibly. One day I just realized, old dates are like septic tanks, if you don’t leave them clean, they’ll find a way to come back and stink up your life. So, pumpkin, if you must stop seeing someone, a) let him know ASAP that you’re “just not interested”, b) do it kindly and politely (even though she’ll probably hate you anyway) and, lastly, c) be stern, clear and leave no room for confusion, i.e. “I’m not interested anymore. Thank you anyway!” Good luck!
I guess I should have brought something but…! When is or isn’t it appropriate to bring something to a dinner party?
Dinner Doubts, Austin, TX
Hey Dinner Doubts,
It’s always appropriate to bring something to a dinner party! Now, I know you’re thinking, “But what about when the host says don’t bother?” Well, maybe it’s OK if you’re a street beggar or not educated in a European culture, but why not just bring a bottle of wine, some cookies or a thank you card! Hosts of parties always appreciate and always remember the guests who bring something. In other words, if you don’t leave a lasting impression, honey, you won’t always receive a lasting invitation! (Hey, it’s better to be a kindly guest than not. See my cartoon for some clues on this subject!)
I was dating this guy who did something so hurtful to me that I want to get back at him. What type of revenge would you suggest?
Needing Revenge, Columbia, S.C.
Dear Needing Revenge,
You could physically harm him, his property and his family, sue him or have him arrested on bogus charges. Or, (now sit down) you could forget all about him, move on with your life and find happiness in healthier relationships. Sweetie, revenge is for Disney characters and James Bond stand-ins, not for smart, secure, enlightened beings. It’s always best to spend time looking for new dates rather than wasting life’s precious moments on revenging old ones!
When I’m out with my girlfriend, she always talks to other girls. She also doesn’t always want to tell me everything she’s doing when we’re apart. She says, “I should stop acting so jealous,” but I feel like I can’t trust her. Don’t I have a right to be jealous?
Jealousy Rights, Queens, NY
Hello Jealousy Rights,
You have every right in the world to feel your feelings and to trust your intuition, but you also have every right to stop negative thoughts! Everyone talks to people and has things they don’t feel like sharing. Healthy relationships do not include jealousy, control or drama. So, darling, no you don’t have a right to be jealous. However, you do have a right to be clearheaded while you read:
Trinity’s Eye Opening Realities About Jealousy
1. Jealousy creates tension between people and destroys relationships.
2. Jealousy makes people say and do unimpressive, unnecessary and unkind things.
3. Jealousy is a direct expression of mistrust!
4. Jealousy is a sign of fear and insecurity.
5. Jealousy has no positive effects on any relationship.
6. Jealousy is exciting in paperback novels, but a disaster in the real world!
7. Jealousy turns mild-mannered men and women into monsters and maniacs!
8. Jealousy can be avoided with communication, good self-esteem and love.
9. Jealousy has no place in a healthy, happy, harmonious home, office or well-working environment!
10. Lastly, jealousy is not about what someone is doing to you, but about what you are doing to yourself. Think about it!
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.