I’m just uncomfortable kissing or holding my boyfriend’s hand outside the house, but he wants me to be openly affectionate in public. I love him a lot, but I came out just last year when I turned 20 and I’m still wary about the way I act in public. What can I do to be more comfortable showing affection in public?
Closeted Love, Kansas City, MS
Dear Closeted Love,
When I was 18 and living in NYC, my tough, Latin, spiritual 21-year-old boyfriend said to me, “If you feel love for me while holding my hand or kissing me in public, we’ll always be protected. But if you feel afraid, then we will not be protected.” And it always worked. Moreover, if you’d like, try public affection in safer places first, like taking a long weekend trip to bigger, more foreign gayborhoods like St. Louis’s “The Grove,” Chicago’s “Boys Town” or Nashville’s “The District.” It’s just a day’s drive away. So, pumpkin, start slowly, breath, be more fearless everyday and build up your PDA’s (public displays of affection). It takes time so get your roadmap out today.
When I first met my lover, I used to think his jealousy was cute. But after five months, it’s not so cute anymore. I feel like I’m under investigation every time we’re together, especially if I say hi to someone. How can I get him to be less insanely jealous?
Jealous Lover Gone Mad, Atlanta, GA
Hey Jealous Lover Gone Mad,
What you love in the first month usually becomes what you hate, I mean, have trouble with a few months later. Sweetie, jealousy is directly related to insecurities that someone acquires over years for many reasons. So, support him in taking classes or seeing a therapist for jealousy (aka, self-esteem). This may help him grow up, I mean, grow out of his jealous ways. Good luck! (Jealousy can drive one right into a straight jacket. My cartoon sure shows how crazy this can be.)
My last boyfriend had so much class that I got spoiled. My new BF is great, but very “basic.” Without hurting his feelings, how can I teach him better manners in public?
Man Without Manners, Detroit, MI
Manners are not easily taught to boys over the age of… birth! But if this boy wants to please you, then, honey, try slipping this under his Frosted Flakes bowl:
Trinity’s Smart Tips For Having Great Manners
1. Physically: Never stand right in someone’s face. Yet, try to let others stand as close to you as they and you feel comfortable.
2. Eye Contact: Never try to control someone with your eyes. Have great eye contact, but let others talk to you as they feel comfortable!
3. Being Graceful: Not everyone will “get” you! Give others the right to understand or not understand you.
4. Good Self-Esteem: Never make others wrong for not being able to talk to you! Give others the right to excuse themselves without insulting you.
5. Being Silent: Never talk over someone or a group watching a specific film, speech or piece of music! Practice silence during a special presentation!
6. Balanced Speaking: Never talk continuously without pauses so that others may talk too! Always ask questions pertaining to the person you are with!
7. Being Themselves: Never push yourself, food or alcohol on anyone! Give others the right to be themselves, not needing to do or say as you do.
8. Politically Correct: Never force your beliefs on anyone! Giving too much of your political or religious view is a great way to end a meeting.
9. Problem Free: Never waste someone’s time (accept good friends) on listening or analyzing your problems! Give others the freedom to not be your therapist.
10. Lastly, Negativity: Never give too much of your negative opinions. Ending a conversation on a positive note is a great way to make a great impression on everyone! : :
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.