When it comes to stalkers, be clear, insistant and tough

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
I broke up with someone about two months ago, but he constantly calls, comes by and is now bothering my friends. What do I do?
Stalker Troubles, Winston-Salem, NC

Dear Stalker Troubles,
First, try plan A, clearly say, “I don’t want anything to do with you!” Second, insist that he stop calling, coming by or bothering your friends. Third, be tough, stern and aggressive, even if it’s not your nature. Now, if this fails, then go to plan B. First, go to his work and publicly embarrass him by making a big scene! Second, call his friends and family and tell them to stop him or you’ll see them in court (also think restraining order). Lastly, sweetie, take a vacation. Sipping a martini on a beach is much healthier than sitting around waiting for trouble! Give ‘em hell!

To Trinity,
Everyone is so phony nowadays. People bleach their teeth, have plastic surgery, dye their hair and even take steroids. What happened to being real. What happened to being yourself?
Really Real, Santa Fe, NM

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tt_438_081415To Real,
I think the GenX generation is getting older and it’s frightening us, I mean them. And, besides, if you can afford to look fabulous, then really, honey, why not? (My cartoon shows you how to be totally fab, even if you have to figure out what to do and not do based on your budget.)

Hey Trinity,
Recently, I was dumped because, “I blew my nose at the dinner table, spit on the sidewalk and didn’t cover my mouth when I coughed.” Really! What’s up with that?
Mr. Natural, Eugene, OR

Hey Mr. Natural,
You must be new to dating, so let me bring you up to speed. When blowing your nose at the table, turn your head! Blowing your nose towards the food is gross! Spiting on the sidewalk in public is also gross and very American. Hold your spit or excuse yourself to a dark alley! But coughing without covering your mouth, pumpkin, is clearly a sign that you’re either French Canadian or in need of a lobotomy. Try again!

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Dearest Trinity,
For a first date I invited someone over for dinner. She was polite, but I sensed something was wrong with her food. Then I never heard from her again. Did I serve the wrong thing?
Dinner Disaster, Green Bay, WI

Dearest Disaster,
Knowing what to serve can make your head explode, especially when someone is too polite to tell you their dietary needs. So, darling, here are:

Trinity’s Tasty Tips For Foods Not To Serve On A First Date (or any date)
1. Dry Or Plain Foods: Think sauces and spices, think toppings galore, think colors and flavors think fruits and much more.
2. Vegetables: Asparagus, mushrooms and broccoli are chic, but for a safer first meal, serve vegetables more meek. Try corn, string beans, carrots or zucchini.
3. Garlic/Onions: As the perfect breath destroyers these garnishes should be missed so at the end of the night someone may be kissed.
4. Beans: These gaseous little devils should be avoided from the start or your evening will be filled with trying to control a fart.
5. Shellfish: If on your table you serve a bad clam, you’ll be swearing forever, “I should have served lamb!”
6. Veal: If political incorrectness is really not your deal, then start with chicken or fish, it’s a much safer meal!
7. White Trash Foods: Pasta and sauce or macaroni and cheese will always impress a date you don’t want to please.
8. Heavy Cream Sauces: While some guests may have dairy indifference, other guests are embarrassed about their lactose intolerance. Try chicken broth or tomato pastes.
9. Cigarette Smoke: If your date doesn’t smoke, then hear the bell toll, smoking while eating is better done in a whole.
10. Lastly, Too Much Wine: Yes, a great wine is what the kings like to serve, but when you get your date drunk, the queen says, “What nerve!”

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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