Daily dating affirmation…really?

Tell Trinity

Hey Trinity,
Why does dating always have to be so negative and draining? Isn’t there some way for getting through the daily sludge of dating?
Sick O’Dating, Palo Alto, CA

Hey Sick O’Dating,
Dating is always challenging. That’s life, sweetie. But to survive those draining, difficult dates, it’s best to start every morning with a dating affirmation. Really. It’ll keep you positive-minded and open-hearted. It goes like this, “Dating is healthy, adventurous and educational. With each date, I attract interesting, healthy and supportive people who treat me with respect and kindness. Being single and dating will bring me to a higher place. I also forgive all bad dates and trust they’ll lose their teeth someday.” There, don’t you feel better? And if affirmations don’t help, Absolute vodka comes in many flavors. That will definitely help! Good luck.

Hello Trinity,
I dated this really interesting guy for a month before going to see his place. Trinity, it was so dirty I couldn’t sit down. His laundry basket was his floor. Now he keeps calling and wants to see me more, but I can’t. Am I wrong for wanting out because he’s so dirty?
Dirty Dating, New Orleans, LA

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tt_444_110615Hello Dirty Dating,
No, you’re not wrong for wanting out. Dating him will eventually mean cleaning up after him, which may be just the start of many other issues. But, pumpkin, it wouldn’t “mess him up” if you told him the truth before ending it.
Better luck next time. (Check out my cartoon for some sage advice and a how-to for dating.)

Dear Trinity,
I was recently invited to my straight friends’ wedding. I’m gay and nervous about bringing my boyfriend. Would I be selfish bringing him?
Wedding OUTings, Amarillo, TX

Dear OUTings,
Being gay means being proud, out and ready for no one to really care about your sexuality, especially in 2015. Today, gay couples are part of everyday life. In other words, they’ll deal with it in their own way! And anyway, honey, when gay couples go to straight weddings, straight folks almost always assume that they’re brothers, unless they slow dance together, and then they just think one is blind.

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Dearest Trinity,
I’m dating a smoker and I’m a non-smoker. I’m trying to be accepting of it, but it’s not easy. Help!
Smoked Out, Montreal, QC

Dearest Smoked Out,
It’s hell, I know, baby. But there are a few lessons I’ve learned. So, here are:

Trinity’s Puffy Tips For Dating a Smoker
1. Learn to sit downwind, as far away from or on the floor when your date is smoking.
2. Learn to light incense and carry breath mints.
3. Learn to calmly and non-confrontationally ask, “Can you move your cigarette, darling, to your other hand, away from me (so that the smoke blows into someone else’s face)!
4. Learn to control your mild depression and discomfort every time your date lights up (as if it doesn’t bother you).
5. Learn to look at, smell and love the sight of a dirty ashtray!
6. Learn to constantly feel like a nag for having to ask, “Honey, can you wash your hands and mouth from the cigarette smell before cooking our food or kissing my lips?”
7. Learn to hate being in closed quarters, especially cars when your date begs, “Do you mind if I smoke, sweetie? I’ll keep the window down!” (as if his smoke defies nature by not entering the car).
8. Learn to control your nervous twitch, snappy temper and dissatisfaction for dating a smoker as the weeks, months and cigarette burns go by!
9. Learn to take breaks from your date so that he or she can smoke while you’re nowhere in sight (crying over this smoky situation!).
10. And lastly, learn to finally break up with your date before killing him, her or yourself for the torturous months of stink, disgust and disrespect which has now driven you…to smoking!

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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