A reader asks: “The extramarital affair I am having is starting to bring about many more problems than I could have ever imagined. I am not trying to hurt anyone. I am just trying to take care of my needs. What can I do now?”
Extra Troubles, Buffalo, NY
Hello ‘Extra’ Troubles,
Sometimes we find ourselves in circumstances that we know we should not be in, but… we’re in them. You know this. You also know that extramarital affairs are wrong, period! You will have to pay the consequences sooner or later to a higher or lower court. But, sweetie, before you get any deeper, stop, apologize for your misdoings and hope that everyone forgives you including yourself. However, if you find yourself in real trouble, a change of hair color and address has always worked for me! Good luck.
Growing up, my parents never allowed me to have much of a wardrobe like my friends. Now as an adult I have acquired a great love for shoes. I have over a 100 pairs, but for the first time in my life I am going from living alone to living with a lover who’s asked me to downsize my shoe collection. Help?
Shoe Shocked, Winston-Salem, NC
Dear Shoe Shocked,
One of the joys of becoming an adult is that you can say, “yes” to all the things your parents said “no” to. However, if you don’t stop saying yes, “over compensation” starts ruining your life. So, honey, sell or give away some of your Imelda Marcos shoe collection and start Shoes Anonymous meetings immediately! (There is really enough of a good thing, especially for shoes. Check out my cartoon to see how I deal with this dilemma.)
For a few weeks now, I’ve been dating an extremely attractive woman. Everything is great, except everyone is always looking at her. I am not as much jealous as I am uncomfortable!
Too Beautiful, Portland, OR
Dearest Too Beautiful,
Since Cleopatra’s reign and Helen of Troy launched a thousand ships, beautiful women have demanded the attention of the world. Now before you launch a thousand problems, a) talk about it with her; b) keep practicing getting comfortable with it; and; lastly; c) pay less attention to what’s going on around you and more attention to her. Jealousy is something we all need to deal with! Pumpkin, you can always ask her to dress less seductively, but that’s like asking Mona Lisa to stop smiling.
I have always loved your advise on first dates. Are there any important questions that you think one should ask a first date?
First Questions, Topeka, KS
Hey First Questions,
Do I have a list of first date questions? Does Lady Gaga have costumes? So, darling, here are:
Trinity’s Very Important Questions To Ask A First Date (Note: Everything in parenthesis is implied not said!)
1. What do you expect from a relationship? (How much hell are you going to put me through?)
2 Have you been in a relationship before and what happened? (Are you a serial killer?)
3. What are your carrier goals? (I hope you don’t expect me to take care of you?)
4. What do you think about marriage? (Are you a no good, cheating infidel?)
5. How would you describe yourself? (Are you egotistical, stubborn, neurotic or selfish?)
6. Where did you go to college? (You did go to college?)
7. What do you think about safe sex? (Are you going to give me every disease known to humankind?)
8. Do you get along with your family and coworkers? (Again, are you a serial killer?)
9. Do you have an IRA, 401K or own a home. (Am I going to have to work for the rest of my life?)
10. Lastly, what do you think about politics and religion? (Are you going to knock me up and leave me in the name of God?)
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.