In the two-and-a-half years that I’ve been with my lover, he has cheated on me three times. He’s always wanted an “open relationship,” but it’s hard for me. I love him. Am I overreacting?
Lost In The Game, Ann Arbor, MI
Hey Lost In The Game,
Men are farm animals and practice what I call “pigomy.” Maybe it’s biological or psychological, but if it’s 1-in-300 days — he’s a pig; however, if it’s 3-in-900 — he’s a good man. Congratulations. You’ve won the game. Open relationships may not be common for straight couples, but it is common for gay ones. You can go with it, fight it or end it. Either way, honey, many gay relationships after time open up, loosen up or have play dates. It’s a gay thing. Monogamy is a straight thing. Oh, and no crimes of passion, please! End it first. Good luck.
Everyone has extra marital affairs, it’s normal and you never hear of someone going to jail for cheating. Is it really that much of a crime? Can’t I just do what I want without felling so guilty?
Cheating With Ease, Billings, MT
Dear Cheating With Ease,
First of all, cheating may be common, but so are car accidents. Second, people don’t go to court for cheating, but the courts are flooded with divorce trials. Third, “play dates” may be acceptable, but an all-out “affair” is not. So, pumpkin, do what you have to, whether you feel guilty or not, but eventually you’ll have to grow up and practice a higher form of intelligence called control! (Check out my cartoon on how I’d fair in court on the cheating/control issue. Can someone say guilty?)
Okay, I did it! I “powerdated” (multiple dating at the same time) until I was dizzy! Now I think I met the one. But what do I do with my other dates while I’m just dating this one.
Powerdizzy, Queens, NY
Never throw out that little black book, at least for one year, even if you think that you’ve found the one. Now, as for your other dates, keep in contact with them at least by text or simply tell them in some clever way that you’re, “busy for a while.” Until at least three months pass, sweetie, and you’re sure that this is the one, don’t put all your eggs in one basket, but just have fun. Congratulations.
I want to kill my ex-lover! Not in the criminal sense, but at least in the eternal suffering sense. Any advise?
Kill Or Suffer, Charleston, WV
There are alternative reconciliation’s besides murder. So, darling, while you’re seeking professional counseling and creating a close support network here are:
Trinity’s Revengeful Things You Can’t & Can Do To Your Ex-Lover or Partner
1. You can’t castrate, blind, or hire a hit man to kill your ex!
2. You can’t burn down, blow up or drive a tractor-trailer into the home of your ex.
3. You can’t stalk, kidnap or have someone else criminally assault your ex.
4. You can’t pull a Jeffrey Dahmer on any past, present or future ex.
5. Lastly, you can’t let your ex make your life miserable!
6. You can however, sue, take back everything you ever gave your ex and throw a big “Good-bye Ex Party!”
7. You can stop cooking, cleaning or sleeping with your ex.
8. You can use your ex as a reason to hurt yourself. But it’s not worth it! You know this!
9. You can change the locks, move out and/or fly away on a fabulous vacation for a week or so!
10. Lastly, while you can punish your ex within the fullest extent of the laws, why not just snap out of it, girl. Get rid of your ex and move on! I do every time!
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.