Extra marital affairs: Very common or very wrong?

Tell Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
Do you think extra marital affairs are wrong or do you think that it’s common and should be treated more openly?
Extra Marital Questions, Seattle, WA

Dearest Extra,
Even though the animal kingdom doesn’t have monogamy or marriage, we as a society have rules that make relationships more powerful and keep society functioning as a whole. So yes, extra marital affairs are wrong mostly because the emotional hurt always outweighs the sexual satisfaction. However, men have been thinking with their crotch for millenniums. Just study the history of concubines and mistresses. So, pumpkin, if you must have that affair, be smart, careful and quiet about it. And when you’re in really big trouble, a change of hair color and address always works for me!

Hello Trinity,
Men, I can’t live with them and I can’t live without them! How do you deal with those over-bearing Marlboro men types?
Marlboro-ed Out, Brooklyn, NY

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tt_451_021216Hello Marlboro-ed Out,
Yes, I agree men have been a problem since the beginning of time. They belch and burp, sweat and snore, spit and swear. But, darling, they also look so damn good in those old Marlboro ads. Maybe men were put on this earth to cause trouble and the rest of the animal kingdom was put here to monitor them?
(Yippie-yi-yo-ki-yay pardner! Maybe it’s time to rope ‘em in. Check out my cartoon to see how I’d handle this dilemma.)

Hello Trinity,
I’ve been dating a very handsome guy for the last two months. But he’s constantly concerned about his looks, what people say about his looks and if I approve of his looks. Now I’m getting paranoid about my own looks! Help!
Paranoid, Berkeley, CA

Hello Paranoia,
Boy he’s a handful (of face creams)! Now instead of letting him bring you down, let his insecurities inspire you to be stronger and more self-empowered. Use this situation to help he and you to practice noticing the beauty in people and things that are not so obviously beautiful. Honey, this sounds like you both have a chance to acquire a newer lens on life. And lastly, if all his friends are “beautiful,” it’s time to acquire a more “natural” looking crowd to hang out with. Now get to work!

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Hello Trinity,
My best friend told a secret she swore never to tell. Now she’s begging me for forgiveness, but I can’t seem to forgive her. Why should I?
Forgive-less, Palm Beach, FL

Hello Forgive-less,
Once you get past the stage of, “I’ll never talk to you again” try:

Trinity’s Loving Tips For How To Forgive Someone
1. Saying, “I forgive you now,” then taking a few weeks to figure out how to forgive someone will start you on a healthy path towards forgiveness!
2. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean giving someone another shot at you. It means you release them from your anger and thoughts, sometimes even your life.
3. In the moment you forgive someone your problems with them begin to dissolve. Use forgiveness to dissolve your problems!
4. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself not the person you need to forgive.
5. Keeping anger, resentment and judgment inside means they have control over your thoughts. Do you really want this?
6. Don’t wait until someone dies or disappears in order to forgive them. Do it while they’re alive, not for their sake, but for yours.
7. If you’re mad at someone today and 10 years goes by before you forgive them, you’ve wasted 10 years. Eventually, you will forgive everyone!
8. Forgiveness starts when you let yourself look someone in the eyes while feeling a little less hatred than before!
9. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to forgive them to their face, but it does mean that you have to start the process in your mind first.
10. Lastly, forgiveness is a holy, spiritual, enlightening practice. How much time do you really need to waste before getting on a more evolved path?

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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