Threeway sex means take care of everyone

Tell Trinity

Hello Trinity,
Why would anyone have threeway sex? And, if I do try it, isn’t it complicated and unfair to one of the three?
Three’s A Crowd, San Diego, Calif.

Hello Three’s A Crowd,
Why would anyone want two people at once attending to their erotic desires, their erogenous zones and their endless fantasies? Darling, people end up in threeways because it’s fun, exciting and, BTW, it’s been part of sexual pleasure for thousands of years! So to make it work right the first time remember: 1) everyone must be attracted to each other; 2) everyone must promise to sexually please the others (or, at least, fake it); and 3) if you’re a non-monogamous couple “no fighting in front of the guest!”

Hey Trinity,
I love eating and I don’t like dieting. Is that wrong?
Food Fight, Roanoke, Va.

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Hey Food Fight,
It’s great to eat everything you want, but isn’t it even greater to feel attractive, confident and have your mate yearn to rip your clothes off? Pumpkin, having boundaries, eating healthy, living long and staying medically fit is… is… is so boring. Hey, pass the Ben & Jerry’s Hubby Hubby! (Want some delicious ideas on how I handle this. See my cartoon.)

Dear Trinity,
After dating many different guys, I still keep getting dumped. Help!
Dumped Enough, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

Dear Dumped Enough,
Finding the right date means you first have to sift through the pile of wrong dates. And, that could take a while, especially if you live in Fort Lauderdale. Sorry, honey, but that’s the way life goes, for most of us! But more importantly, ask friends, family and some past dates to come clean and tell you what you may keep doing wrong!

Dearest Trinity,
My roommate goes nuts when I’m late, but he knows I’m always late. And, it’s not always my fault. How do I get him to see things my way?
Late Excuses, Lincoln, Neb.

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Dearest Late Excuses,
Before you try to get him to see things your way, first see things my way! It starts with you being totally responsible for your actions and completely accepting that it’s always your fault when you’re late, not because you don’t have a good excuse, but because you made a promise, a commitment, a contract and you broke it. Now, sweetie, to help you understand how to be late and have integrity here are:

Trinity’s Hard Tips For Being Late
1. Call if you’re going to be more than 300 seconds late! And, if you don’t think 300 seconds is a long time, stop now and count to 300 with your watch.
2. Communicate as soon as you know you’ll be late, which usually occurs way before you’re actually late. That’s what successful people do.
3. Leaving a message with someone or on an answering machine, even if they won’t get it in time, helps to cover your behind.
4. Excuses are for courtrooms and kindergartens. Just say, “I’m late. It will not happen again. And, please forgive me.” Give no elaborate excuses.
5. Being late is wrong, not evil or nasty, but wrong. So, be understanding, be ready to listen to a complaint and don’t act all righteous and innocent.
6. When you’re late for the third time, you owe a free meal, flowers, plus at least three consecutive times when you arrive early.
7. Waiting makes normal, healthy people crazy. And, if you’re unreasonably late, then bring a present.
8. And, eventually, you must realize that being early means, no stress, no worries, no excuses and no problem getting lost.
9. Unacceptable lateness is when you both have active cell phones and you still don’t communicate your lateness.
10. Lastly, if you’re late more than three times in five meetings, get therapy, take integrity workshops and understand that you may always be… lonely!

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
Tell Trinity, P.O. Box 23861 . Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33307
Sponsored by: Provincetown Business Guild
800-637-8696 . www.ptown.org

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