Being single: Is it a curse or a blessing?

Tell Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
It seems like all my friends are in relationships and me, I’m still a bachelor. Why are some people doomed to being single forever?
Unhappy Bachelor, Montreal, Canada

Dearest Bachelor,
Being alone, paying bills alone and going to bed alone can get depressing, day after day, night after night, hour after…damn, now I’m depressed. Listen, some people are single because they haven’t found the right problem, I mean person, or it’s their “spiritual time-out” from relationships to discover just how miserable, I mean wonderful, they are. Being a healthy bachelor means going to single events, parties, socials, as well as joining a religious, athletic, intellectual and/or special interest groups. Remember, pumpkin, if you keep trying, eventually your odds will change. That’s the thrill of dating.

Hey Trinity,
Why would someone choose to be gay if it’s so hard? Why wouldn’t they just be quiet about it or go straight?
Confused, Montgomery, AL

- - - advertisement - - -

tt_460_070116Hey Confused,
You are confused! People don’t choose to be gay. They do, however, choose to be open about it, to be comfortable with it and to be proud of it. Yes, being gay is hard, but no harder than being a… Republican. Eventually, sweetie, we all have to be true to ourselves or die. And once someone gets used to something difficult, it’s no longer difficult. It’s as easy as…voting on Nov. 8th. Vote! (Choosing to be gay is certainly easier than picking out the right outfit, as my cartoon shows.)

Dear Trinity,
Is love itself enough of a reason to start a relationship? And is love enough to keep a relationship going?
What’s Enough, Tucson, AZ

Dear Enough,
Yes, love is a great reason to start a relationship and yes it’s enough to keep it going, but unfortunately not forever. Love changes every day, forcing the relationship itself to take over where love started. Always work on the love, but work even harder on the relationship. In other words, darling, let love inspire you to start a relationship, but let your relationship inspire you to be in love! XOXO to love!

- - - advertisement - - -

Hello Trinity,
If another telemarketer calls me, I’ll jump out a window. Do you have any suggestions for dealing with those inhumane pests?
Tele-Troubles, Boston, MA

Hello Tele-Troubles,
Before you start jumping, drinking or driving off the road, honey, put your cell or home phone down and read:

Trinity’s Terrific Tips For Dealing With Telemarketers
(The phone rings and you pick up)
1. The Direct Approach: “I’m not interested!” Followed by a polite, “Thank you. Good-bye!”
2. The Hurried Approach: “I only have a moment.” Followed by, “Sorry, honey, I’m out of time!” (You click.)
3. The Sexual Approach: “You’re voice sounds hot! Can you send me a picture of you first? I’m really not that unattractive!” (They click!)
4. The Religious Approach: “Jesus doesn’t let me take these calls.” Followed by a sweet, “God bless you dear!” (You click.)
5. The Disaster Approach: “Oh God! I’ve been in and out of hospitals! My lover left me! Can you take care of me?” (They begin to cry.)
6. The Giddy/Overzealous approach: “I love that…ha…! I…ha, ha…love, love, I love everything you’re saying! (Uncontrollable laughing) Haaaaa, ha ha…!” (They click.)
7. The Childhood-Regression Approach: “My mommy doesn’t let me buy things on the tel-e-phone. Can you play with me?” (Begin crying until they hang up.)
8. The Deceased Approach: “Oh, she died months ago. Would you like the person handling her estate? Thank you for calling!” (Funeral parlor music plays in background.)
9. The Paranoid Approach: “Why must you call me? Why do want to hurt me? Hello! Have you hung up on me again?” (They start therapy.)
10. The Confused Approach: “I don’t understand what you want from me? I need more time to figure it all out! Where am I? Who am I?” (They quit their job!)

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

- - - advertisement - - -