When to keep your mouth open and when to keep it shut

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
I know you’re going to tell me to mind my own business, but one of my friends is a stripper and is now escorting. I’m worried about him. Should I speak to his parents?
Righting A Wrong, Orange County, CA

Dear Wronging A Right,
Yes, if he’s jumping off a bridge, about to harm someone or if he’s abusing drugs or alcohol, then please tell someone who can help him. But escorting? Really? That’s a far cry from those examples, especially if he’s doing it through magazines, websites or respectable nightclubs. Pumpkin, loving someone or being someone’s friend means letting him have his own adventures and experiences and talking to him directly about your safety concerns, not squealing on him. Seriously, if he’s doing something as deeply challenging and transforming as escorting and stripping, then let him practice his art. Oh, and get him the book, “Hustling” by John Preston! It’s a favorite of mine.

Hello Trinity,
I’m confused about my bisexuality and don’t understand how to find someone special that is bisexual as well. How do I privately find someone like me?
Calling All BIs, Eugene, OR

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Hello Calling All BIs,
It’s time to go public with your private life. Start with Meet Up type websites, in local areas and nearby cities, for finding others like yourself. The internet has an infinite supply of bisexuals locally and globally. Yet, if you’re confused about your bisexuality, then that’s something you’ll have to figure out through trial and error. And, sweetie, while straights and gays date their own kind, bisexuals don’t have to. But you do, however, have to find someone understanding. Hey, but don’t we all! Good luck!

Hey Trinity,
I know you have a Masters of Divinity degree, so I have a holy question for you. In the Bible, Leviticus 18:22, it says, “A man shall not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination!” What’s your take on it?
Biblically Troubled, Tampa, FL

tt_468_102116Dear Bible Troubles,
Did you know that passages about abominations like getting tattooed or eating shellfish really have nothing to do with biblical sins? They are ancient traditions, rules and regulations, that’s it. Damn, I wish religious and political nutjobs could get that right. I also think that passage was translated too many times by too many dictators, into too many languages to really be understood correctly. You know, honey, I think it’s time Trinity rewrote it as well. P.S. Google, “Proposition 8 The Musical.” (My cartoon sure shows you how I approach this dilemma. Just saying!)

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Dearest Trinity,
Is there anything I can do to keep the flame alive in my marriage? The stress of life and work has made my relationship robotic. There must be something we haven’t tried?
Robotics, Houston, Texas

Dearest Robotics,
Marriage troubles? I almost forgot what that was like while enjoying singlehood. But that’s another martini! For right now, darling, you have a real problem and I have some real solutions with…

Trinity’s Survival Tips For Maintaining A Marriage
1. Go on a far away, romantic, expensive second honeymoon. (You deserve it!)
2. Just for the hell of it, send your spouse sexy notes, flowers, texts or emails.
3. Don’t fight over cleaning! Hire someone to do it!
4. Read Virginia Satir’s “People Making.” She saved many of my marriages.
5. Dinner together on the beach at sunset is not just for enlightened seagulls.
6. Try unimaginable types of intimate activities. Think big and frilly!
7. Visit people you both like. It helps remind you that you’re a couple.
8. Stop complaining about every little thing that bugs you! That’s what girlfriends and drinking buddies are for!
9. Be open to getting couples counseling. It’s fun and very helpful.
10. Lastly, never try to be like the perfect couple next door. They’re in the middle of a divorce!

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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