What if: next decade

Queer predictions for the new decade

A new year is a time for resolutions. It is also a time for dreaming. What will happen in the days, weeks and months to come? What new and exciting changes will we witness in our lives, communities and nation? Newspaper and magazine editors are busy pushing their pencils and coming up with predictions for the future, but we’ve got wishful thinking you won’t find elsewhere. Imagine it is January 2020. Another 10 years have sped past us. We’re looking back at the LGBT news of the ‘Teens…

Photo Credit: Courtesy jsr00001, via Flickr. Licensed under Creative Commons.

Photo Credit: Courtesy jsr00001, via Flickr. Licensed under Creative Commons.

Prejean named Playboy CEO

After her fall from anti-gay grace, former Miss California Carrie Prejean embraces her, by now, hundreds of sex tapes and uses them to woo Playboy’s board of directors. She’s named CEO in 2014. She enlists an openly gay, 25-year-old, televangelist’s grandson to host a daily web show on Playgirl.com.

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Cruise comes out

At close to 60 years old, Tom Cruise published his long-awaited memoirs in 2019. A shock to some, and a no-brainer to most, Cruise revealed himself bisexual. Cruise’s revelation created a tidal wave of other high profile, celebrity coming outs. Hollywood, it seems, has lost its glass closet. Larry King, age 86 (or is that 186?) and still going strong, interviews Cruise and his secret husband.

Long live the queen

After more than 60 years on the throne, Queen Elizabeth II’s grand and royal funeral in 2015 was presided over by her eldest son, Prince Charles. Days later, Charles is crowned the next king of Great Britain and chooses to reign as King George VII, in honor of his grandfather and World War II-era monarch. The new monarch invested his eldest son, William, as the next Prince of Wales. But the queer world could really care less about all that. They’re too busy fawning over Prince Harry. In 2018, he finally confesses: All those photos of his same-sex palling around during his 20s were no joke. The prince makes a fabulous queen!

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Marriage saved, by the gays

If the first decade of the new millennium was the time for gay marriage bans, the ‘Teens were a time for same-sex marriage bliss. The Supreme Court’s 2013 marriage equality ruling couldn’t have come at a better time. With heterosexual divorce rates skyrocketing toward 90 percent, a horde of gays and lesbians flooded wedding chapels. Thanks to the queers, the sacred institution of marriage becomes fabulous. As same-sex led families demonstrate their gratitude for legally-recognized love, heterosexuals are reminded of the true purpose of marriage. As divorce rates start to decline, government statisticians thank the the LGBT community in a special dinner, complete with special guest, openly gay Vice President Barney Frank. : :

This article was published in the Jan. 9 – Jan. 22 print edition.

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Posted by Matt Comer

Matt Comer previously served as editor from October 2007 through August 2015 and as a staff writer afterward in 2016.