Are celibacy rules turning clergy into criminals?

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
With everything that’s been going on in the Catholic Church surrounding celibacy, is celibacy really practical in today’s oversexed society?
Celibate Thoughts, Portland, OR

Dear Celibate Thoughts,
Remember back to 2008 when the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Denver paid $5.5 million to settle 18 claims of pedophilia? Immediately, billions of people and I wondered, “Is being sexless in a sexually driven society really possible? Is celibacy too much to ask from even the holiest of men? And is abstinence really that much “more” spiritual or divine than being in a healthy, loving relationship?” Well, I think celibacy might have been practical before gay liberation, Victoria’s Secret, “Sex In The City” and before Hollywood turned everything into a love story. But honestly, sweetie, nowadays, religious celibacy really isn’t that practical or possible for just anyone!

Dearest Trinity,
I’ve taken your advice and started dating, a lot. But still it seems like there’s no one out there for me. Am I destined to be single forever?
Dating Doubts, Berkeley, CA

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Dearest Dating Doubts,
When one is on the path of dating, there are many people who trick with you, I mean trick you, and your self-esteem into giving up, i.e., dating jerks, meeting uninterested people, getting frustrated or finding out that all the good ones are taken. But you must keep trying! You must get past the tricks of disappointment. And you must keep your self-esteem high! Oh, and you must try OKCupid.com, I love it. Oh, and honey, quitting is for losers, not for intelligent, assertive, adventurous beings! (Keep looking for someone who makes you feel special. Don’t go it alone in the movie theatre like my cartoon shows.)

Hello Trinity,
I’m dating a great guy, except that he’s a major workaholic. And he’s always traveling for work. Am I chasing a workhorse?
Date Chaser, Orlando, FL

Hello Date Chaser,
With this past November’s election results, with Florence Henderson gone and with winter coming on fast, some of us are choosing to hide a little too much in our work. Whether it’s right, wrong or just genetics, your date thinks he’s in a horse race. This means, pumpkin, you need to manipulate the situation by talking to him, trying to get him to see his workaholic ways and offering him changes in his fears of working less and spending more time on life and romance. If you can do this, great, if you can’t then… you may just have to start shopping for a different horse! Good luck.

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Hey Trinity,
After five years, I never thought I’d be asking, but how do I get my partner excited to sleep with me again. As time went on, our sex life went off. Help!
Not Getting Much, Cheyenne, WY

Hey Not Getting Much,
Today most couples are overworked and over stimulated, which means that there’s a growing problem of things actually not growing, so baby, to rectify the situation try:

Trinity’s Hot Tips For Putting The Sex Back Into Your Relationship
1. Attractiveness and desirability will get you more attention and make him or her crave you more. It’s that simple!
2. Early to bed means you’ll have more time in bed!
3. Afternoons on Saturday and Sunday is when you both should be…just getting up!
4. Leave for a few days and then return. Absence makes “everything” grow firmer, I mean fonder!
5. Sexify the house and the bedroom with candles, music and maybe a fire when he or she comes home!
6. Bedrooms are for love making and sleeping not therapy sessions!
7. Get away together to someplace more romantic than your boring old house!
8. Spice up the romance by inventing new games, bringing home new toys and showing off your new naughty undergarments!
9. Cellphones have their place and they also have “off” buttons. Don’t let it control your fun!
10. Lastly, trick him or her into getting in the mood with two of life’s most natural aphrodisiacs: wine followed by a massage. It always works for me! : :

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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