Before I go on a second date with someone I really like, I thought I’d ask what should a second date be all about?
Second Thoughts, Memphis, TN
Dearest Second Thoughts,
A second date is like… (No, that won’t work). Second dates are to roses as… (No, too flowery). Ah yes, a second date is just… a damn second date, nothing more! It’s not an appointment with the wedding planner, real estate agent or God! So, pumpkin, have fun and be your positive, upbeat, trouble-free self. Don’t be hypnotized by looks and charm. And, please, let your date spill his or her guts first!
I just started dating someone whom I know is not for me. But he’s so attached to me! How do I dump him?
Dumping Needs, Atlanta, GA
Dear Dumping Needs,
While being honest often works, there is always that one psycho-spoiled date who cries, “me and my feelings” and who isn’t ready to hear that you just don’t want to suffer through his smoking, drinking and boring “oh my ex stories.” Sometimes you just need something potent and powerful that gets him running. So, darling, if after you say, “I’m madly in love with you and want to move in tomorrow!” and he’s still not speeding away, then go for the gold with, “I’m a straight (or gay) Trump supporter!” (Find creative and interesting ways of putting distance between you and someone you want to walk away from. My cartoon gives you some tips on how I’d approach it.)
I love my boyfriend of two years, but he takes lots of drugs and acts like a fool. Not to mention, we haven’t had sex in months. I feel responsible, but I don’t love him this way and he won’t change. Help!
Drugs And Love, Boston, MA
Hey Drugs And Love,
Wow! Two years and in love? How great. But drugs and no sex, not so great! Listen, say you fell in love with a beautiful home in Kansas and moved in not realizing (because love is blind) that you’re now in tornado country. Then suddenly you see a tornado. Should you feel responsible for the tornado and ride it out, or should you get the hell out before you really get hurt? Yes, he’s your boyfriend, but he’s not your responsibility, and you’re not responsible for his “twisted” life. Honey, when you’re dealing with drugs, you’re dealing with a tornado, and you must protect yourself! If he won’t get help first, then second, protect yourself and get out until he does get help! In other words “Dorothy”— don’t waste time dreaming of ruby slippers to appear when in reality he sold them for drugs!
I did something unspeakable to my lover. I try, but I mess up when it comes to boundaries, good boundaries! I’m at a loss for words now, and I’m being completely ignored.
Boundaries Without Boarders, Baltimore, MD
Hello Boundaries Without Boarders,
To save your butt one last time memorize:
Trinity’s Loyal Tips For Boundaries You Should Never Cross
1. Never flirt with your spouse’s best friend, sister or boss behind his or her back! It always backfires!
2. Never talk about the awful sex you both are having in front friends, coworkers and especially his parents!
3. Never borrow your girlfriend’s car, money, jewelry or diary without asking!
4. Never euthanize the pet of your friend, relative or lover without complete permission!
5. Never bring up during a fight something that’s been “put to rest,” such as cheating or lying!
6. Never bounce a check, especially on a friend, relative or the person sleeping next to you every night.
7. Never, boast about you or your lover’s money, especially at family reunions!
8. Never throw out your roommate’s favorite old shirt, shorts, shoes or tacky college posters without making a therapists appointment first!
9. Never, insult your in-laws to their face or to their ears! They never forget!
10. Lastly, never bite the hand that feeds you, makes you feel sexy or helps make your rent payments!
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.