It’s been five years, and I love my boyfriend. However, as time goes on he gets more selfish and less eager to compromise. I’m beginning to feel like a doormat. Help!
My Way, Grand Rapids, MI
Hi My Way,
In today’s “me” generation, selfish boyfriends are as common as organic coconut milk, fare trade mocha lattes! Plus, if he’s the youngest child, was spoiled and/or is a Scorpio, then you may be in triple-selfish trouble. First, try getting him (with you) to volunteer at a hospital or gay youth center to open his mind to the needs of others. Second, try having “Selfless Days” at home so he can practice doing just for you and vise versa. Lastly, pumpkin, see if there are any books written about selfish people. If there aren’t…write one! Good luck!
My last date went ballistic about my driving “too crazy.” Isn’t that ridiculous? Why should I change the way I drive when someone else is in my car? It’s my car.
Driving Date-saster, LA, CA
Dear Driving Date-saster,
When you’re on a date, you are on a date, not on some Ironman Steroid Competition Racing Show. Sorry, but you’re wrong to strap someone into a car seat and then show them who’s in control of their life’s destiny. Driving with someone is totally different than driving alone, period. Honey, be respectful towards your passenger’s comfort level at least until the second martini! (Did anyone say white-knuckled passengers? It’s really so much more kind not to scare the beegeebees out of someone when you are behind the wheel, whether on a date or not! My cartoon lends some counsel on that.)
My lover and I are very happy, but when it comes to orgasms it’s always him or me. Even though I’m a biologist, it’s hard to time our orgasms, which makes mutual satisfaction an issue. Help?
Timing’s Everything, Miami, FL
Hello Timing’s Everything,
Granted, uncontrolled orgasms happen. However, after a certain amount of time couples should have some idea of how each volcano acts before erupting, especially if you’re a scientist. Each of you probably makes certain sounds, display body languages and/or yell certain verbal cues. “Oh God” is a common one. Listen, bubbles, when one of you gets “close,” stop, take a moment and start practicing mutual eruptions. It’s that simple…sort of.
After three years with my husbear it happened: our sex life has hibernated. Is it inevitable, or is there some trick to stop this?
Unsatisfied Bear, Boulder, CO
Sex with the same person is like eating at the same restaurant — it can become monotonous after a while. Sweetie, that’s why restaurants change their menus every year, just like you must do. So start reading:
Trinity’s Hot Tips For Keeping Sex and Desire Between You And Your Hubby
1. Try having sex in different rooms or places other than the bedroom. Lots can happen in the kitchen or shower.
2. Try different ways of doing the same thing, especially trying different sexual positions and/or being more aggressive.
3. Try different aphrodisiacs, such as scented oils, wine or herbs, before lying down for sex.
4. Try different times of the day. Wake up early, go to bed early or try doing it in the afternoon.
5. Try clearing your mind during sex while focusing on naughty thoughts with your partner.
6. Try using all five senses differently, i.e. smelling and tasting new areas.
7. Try talking dirty to each other on the phone or Internet before getting together that night. Also try talking dirty during sex (no laughing).
8. Try spraying nice scents into the air conditioner, on the bed and on your privates. It always works for me!
9. Try stimulating different erogenous zones such as behind the knees and elbows, in the armpits or lower back and around the neck and feet.
10. Lastly, try not breaking up “again” just because the sex got boring “again.” Life is what you make it, so make your sex life fun!
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.